What Is Toxic Positivity? How It Affects Us and What To Do About It
Many people began the coronavirus pandemic with plans to learn a new skill or improve themselves as quarantine forced us to lock down. However, some have discussed how the spirit of focusing on the positives can sometimes tip into an unhealthy pattern.
Here we break down the meaning of toxic positivity, how it can affect us and what we can do about it.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the inclination to focus or rely heavily on optimism in all situations and aspects of life.
While this may not sound like a bad thing to some, it can become toxic when negative reactions to our environment or emotional experiences are bottled up or ignored.
Natalie Dattilo, a clinical health psychologist with Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, described it to The Washington Post: "While cultivating a positive mindset is a powerful coping mechanism, toxic positivity stems from the idea that the best or only way to cope with a bad situation is to put a positive spin on it and not dwell on the negative.
"It results from our tendency to undervalue negative emotional experiences and overvalue positive ones."
The Psychology Group defines it as a form of excess, by focusing on the positive to a dangerous excess. Samara Quintero and Jamie Long of the group define toxic positivity "as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations."
How Toxic Positivity Affects Us
Quintero and Long say focusing on just the positive can force us to "deny the validity of a genuine human experience."
They write on their blog: "The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.
"Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic.
"By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions."
This shows one result of toxic positivity is to deny the negative issues in our lives, and to suppress our true feelings, or in some cases deny ourselves the opportunity to feel anything.
They write how this can sometimes be an outworking of shame, adding: "Where there is hiding, secrets, and denial, shame is usually in the driver's seat.
"Shame is crippling to the human spirit and one of the most uncomfortable feelings we can feel. Often, we don't even know that we are feeling shame."
U.K. charity Young Minds explains in a blog how toxic positivity can also have a negative impact on those who are not going through it themselves.
In fact, dealing with someone who is perpetuating toxic positivity can mean those struggling with mental health issues find their struggles are ignored.
They write: "It's clear that toxic positivity has a damaging effect - it can make people feel dismissed, lonely and frustrated.
"When people are already struggling, these are the last feelings they need."
What To Do About Toxic Positivity
Young Minds approaches toxic positivity in two ways: as someone going through it and as someone reacting to it.
For the latter, they suggest speaking to the person whose Toxic Positivity is damaging you, and being honest about how it is affecting your mental health.
For the former, New York therapist Jenny Maenpaa told HuffPost's Brittany Wong a key way is to accept how we can feel and acknowledge seemingly conflicting emotions in our lives.
She said: "You can fight toxic positivity by acknowledging or recognizing that multiple complex emotions can exist in you all at once.
"You can be devastated at the loss of life from COVID-19 and enjoy the hygge of quarantine."
Maenpaa also suggests coping strategies like journaling can be useful to help us process emotions and anxieties causing us to be toxically positive.
She said: "Another strategy is to journal before bed or any time you're feeling overwhelmed, because our brains can hold many short-term thoughts in it at once just in case we need them at a moment's notice.
"This means that when we're thinking about our fears or anxieties, our brain codes them as important and keeps them at the forefront.
"By writing down those fears and anxieties, even if we can't do anything about them, we've told our brains that it's OK to let them go because they're being taken care of."
Young Minds also suggests practicing helpful positivity, to lift those up when they are struggling and acknowledge our feelings.
They write: "Having a positive outlook when it comes to mental health shouldn't ignore that sometimes our mental health does make us sad or stressed.
"It's helpful to acknowledge these feelings so people don't feel bad for feeling bad."
Finally, it is important to take action, and if we find we are being toxically positive, we may need to seek help in processing emotions from a professional.
