There are but a few certainties in life: death, taxes and the homogenised, sun-dappled slo-mos of Love Island.
After taking a break last year in the wake of Covid and the tragic loss of host Caroline Flack, Love Island returns on Monday (9pm, Virgin Media One).
While fans of I’m a Celebrity... had to contend with almost zero displayed flesh as contestants froze themselves silly in a Welsh Castle last December, ITV knew avid Love Island fanatics wouldn’t settle for anything less than unachievable perfection.
Therefore, the combined dynamism of Laura Whitmore’s polished presenting skills and Iain Stirling’s voice-over snark return for this season, along with the Mallorcan Villa, the 18-30 themed games, the fire pit, the backstabbing, the smudged mascara and — presumably — Casa Amor.
But how this year’s show differ, particularly in light of the pandemic? Let’s start with the obvious.
1. Fewer contestants entering the villa
Initially, that is. In 2019, 12 contestants entered the villa on day one, with the number of contestants over the course of the eight-week run amounting to 36.
This year, there are 11 contestants entering the Villa. Not a big difference, admittedly, but a difference nonetheless.
They range in age from 21 to 26 years old and boast a wide array of careers, including labourer, semi-pro footballer, fashion blogger, water engineer and luxury events host.
2. More girls than boys
Again, initially. It has become customary for the boys to outnumber the girls on day one in the villa.
This results in all the girls being coupled up from the offset, alongside some single boys. In 2020’s inaugural Winter Love Island, a curveball was thrown in the form of identical twin sisters Jess and Eve, thus outnumbering the boys. It looks like it may have stuck.
3. The setting
Almost, anyway. With the crew already in situ, it would seem the contestants will be enjoying the confines of the newly spruced-up Mallorcan villa.
ITV commissioner Amanda Stavri recently said: “I can’t confirm anything 100pc at this stage, but it will definitely be the Love Island viewers know and love.”
But in this unpredictable Covid climate, there must always be a back-up plan, with reports circulating of alternate UK settings in Jersey, Devon, and Cornwall.
4. You can still apply to be on the show
It may be kicking off in a matter of days, but ITV’s applications will remain open until July 15 for Bombshell arrivals like 2019’s Maura Higgins and winner Greg O’Shea.
Applications were initially due to close on April 30, but ITV obviously wanted plenty more fish on offer. Especially considering that...
5. There is a back-up cast
The show has a back-up cast at the ready. Every prospective contestant will need to quarantine 14 days ahead of entering the villa.
They also must hand over their phone and social media accounts to family/friends, who will update on their behalf.
PE teacher Hugo Hammond is the first of his kind on Love Island. True, in 2018 there was Amelia Peters, but she was technically a teaching assistant/model, so it’s not quite the same.
If you presumed Hugo looks after primary school students and thus able to return to his role relatively unscathed should his social media career fail to take off, you’d be wrong. He is, in fact, a secondary school teacher. Hello, there, Mr Hammond.
7. New levels of overstimulation
Let’s be frank. A lot of these contestants haven’t spoken to someone they fancy IRL (in real life, obvs), in months, never mind enjoyed intimate relations.
Take Geordie Brad for example. He’s never asked anyone on a date, plus he lives with his nan, and he’s confirmed that he hasn’t had sex since 2019. To quote footballer Toby: “Girls, face to face? Stop it! Get me in that villa.”
8. Girls want to be “kept in line”
Insights dropped by participants so far include: “My type on paper is tall, dark and has commitment Issues”, as uttered by 21-year-old waitress, Liberty. Civil servant Sharon (25) is in pursuit of “someone who is willing to put me in line if I’m too sassy or straightforward”.
Meanwhile, 26-year-old blogger Kaz just wants “a guy to rail me,” and sadly, we’re unable to print what lettings manager Faye requested in her speed-dating insert.
And to paraphrase 25-year-old contestant Chloe: “If someone’s too nice, it gives me the ‘ick’”. While that can ring true for those in their 20s, one can only hope more impressionable viewers are aware that mutual respect can only be a positive.
9. Increased mental health checks
Between the intensity of the experience — especially considering the contestants have spent the best part of 15 months sat largely alone in their living rooms — plus the number of suicides related to the show, their mental health is of the utmost importance.
Therefore, in addition to training all islanders on a slew of subjects, including the impact of negative social media and financial management, ITV has also pledged to engage everyone in a “proactive aftercare package” following their appearance.
10. Contestant has a physical disability
Mr Hammond was born with a club foot. The 24-year-old subsequently endured multiple corrective surgeries. Elaborating on his disability,
Hugo said: “I had lots of operations when I was a kid. You can only really tell when I walk barefoot. I’ve got a really short Achilles heel. I walk slightly on my tiptoes.”
While not exactly a noticeably impactful visual portrayal of the disabled community, it’s a start. And given the proliferation of cosmetic tweaks on display, viewers such as myself avidly welcome any further move towards realistic human depiction.
Sheena McGinley’s Love Island diary will appear every night on Independent.ie, starting this Monday.