Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Being a parent means saying things like, “Thank you for sharing my water with me.”
— Mom Meh (@mommeh_dearest) June 10, 2021
My wife still brings up that one time in 2015 I complained of tired legs while she was in labor
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 8, 2021
9 y/o says what she misses most about going to movies is getting snacks from the “confession” stand so when we do go again, I’ll be paying a lot more attention when she places her order.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) June 8, 2021
My daughter is using the keurig and proudly exclaimed that it sounds like her butt.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 9, 2021
Time to make her a doctors appointment I guess.
I asked my sons which state was abbreviated “NJ,” and one said “North Jeorgia” and the other said “NiJeria,” in case you still believe the future is in good hands.
— The Dad Briefs🌈 (@SladeWentworth) June 8, 2021
About to begin a 600 mile trip with 3 kids. This is my last tweet-will and testament.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 9, 2021
“Tummy time” is a very good branding strategy for making your kid think you’re gonna let him die with his face down on the floor
— sighorny beaver (postpartum content only) (@merrydevo) June 9, 2021
I couldn’t hear my toddler so I asked her what she said and she responded with “I said what I said” and my brain fast forwarded to her teenage years so fast I have grade 3 whip lash
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 6, 2021
Family can be annoying. For example, take my brother. He keeps texting me to come pick up HIS nephews & that I was only supposed to be gone an hour, but now it's been three.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) June 8, 2021
He's got some nerve.
My teen just told the girl she’s going to room with next year that she likes to keep her room neat and tidy and I may have just peed my pants laughing.
— Andi (@smiles_and_nods) June 9, 2021
If a kid tells you they want a certain thing to eat you have exactly three minutes before that is no longer the preferred option, make haste friends
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) June 7, 2021
Friend with baby: so when does the really exhausting phase end
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) June 9, 2021
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA *cries*
My almost 5 yo requested a “grape cake” for her birthday, describing it as, “Remember when the dentist put grape stuff on my teeth, like that” 🤢 HELP
— Meena Harris (@meena) June 11, 2021
my kid can’t remember where her shoes are but remembers that 13 months ago i said maybe i would take her to see micky mouse for her fifth birthday which is of course in two weeks and of course we are not going
— That Mom Tho 🏳️🌈 (@mom_tho) June 5, 2021
Heat-seeking technology is impressive, but have you seen a toddler’s precision with staining only the white parts of a rug?
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 6, 2021
My 6 year old when I tell him to go play: I don’t want to play! I don’t HAVE imagination. Imagining is BORING
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) June 7, 2021
This same kid when I’m trying to work: And the character’s name is DEATHBO and he flies with FARTS and he’s an ALIEN
At some point every Dad goes from women looking at him and thinking “that guy probably knows how to show a lady a great time” to “that guy probably knows the best route to take to the airport”
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) June 10, 2021
I can’t believe how much of parenting is just me being a hype man at meal times.
— Mommy Meme Jeans (@mommymemejeans) June 7, 2021
“You gotta try these mashed potatoes! They’re off the chainnnn!”
“If you eat one more bite of steak, you’re gonna be the strongest kid EVER!!! 💪🏽”
My 5yo didn’t wanna get in the bath last night so I told her it was filled with birthday water and this was her only chance to experience it until her next bday and I’ve never seen her get in the bath faster. Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna ride this parenting high for a bit.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 7, 2021
my son is crying because I told him he can’t eat the pasta that fell on the floor that he told me he doesn’t want to eat
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) June 8, 2021
