General Instructions:
a) Following a high-level review meeting chaired by our Supreme Leader, all the subjects have been compressed and fitted into three core subjects due to the COVID-19 situation.
b) As a special measure applicable only this year, candidates can pass the Board exam just by clearing this specially crafted question paper.
c) All questions are compulsory.
d) There is no negative marking. But any positive marking depends on you.
e) Every Public Information Officer (PIO) appearing for this exam is required to write his/her Aadhaar number, PAN, National Health ID number, Voter ID number, Passport number, Driving Licence number, Citizenship number, and credit card number in the designated space provided in the answer booklet.
Section A — English
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Q1: What is the poet wondering about in line 2?
A: The information sought is not readily available. The same will be provided soon after the receipt of the same.
Q2: What is the poetic device used by the poet in line 3 — simile or metaphor?
A: The information sought has been received in a fiduciary relationship with the poet, and therefore exempted from disclosure under section 8(1) (j) of the RTI Act.
Q3: How many lines are there in this poem?
A: The information sought would require counting, which could disproportionately divert the mental resources of the government.
Q4. In Shakespeare’s play Macbeth, what weapon did Macbeth use to kill King Duncan?
A: The disclosure of this information would impede the process of investigation into the murder of King Duncan, and is therefore exempted under Section 8 (1) (h) of the RTI Act.
Section B — Biology
Q5. What role does an individual organism play as per Charles Darwin’s theory of natural selection?
A: Since the information sought relates to personal information of an individual organism, the disclosure of which has no relationship to any public activity or interest, and would further cause unwarranted invasion of the privacy of Shri Charles Darwin, disclosure of the same is exempted under Section 8 (1) (j) of the RTI Act.
Q6. How is it that a mature embryo sac in a flowering plant can possess 7 cells but 8 nuclei?
A. Disclosure of this information would cause a breach of privilege of the flowers of the flowering plant and is therefore exempt under Section 8 (1) (c) of the RTI Act.
Q7. Draw a diagram of the female reproductive system and label the parts.
A. The disclosure of the information sought is against Indian culture and also, given that any and all reproductive activity by Indians is conducted strictly through the holy tear drops of pure peacocks, this query is rejected under Section 8 (1) (p) of the RTI Act.
Q8. We knew you’d say that. Actually, the ‘reproductive system’ referred to in Q7 is not of Indians per se, but of the American cockroach (Periplaneta Americana). Share the damn diagram.
A. Since the information sought pertains to a private individual of American nationality, it is exempted from disclosure under Section 8 (1) (a) of the RTI Act as it might prejudicially affect India’s relations with a foreign state (America).
Section C — General Knowledge
Q9. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Since the information sought pertains to cabinet papers, including records of intellectual deliberations on this matter by the Council of Ministers, Secretaries, Under Secretaries and Uber-Secretaries, its disclosure is exempted under Section 8 (1) (i) of the RTI Act.
Q10. Vaccines save lives. If you had to protect 1.4 billion Indians from the threat of a deadly virus, what would you do and why?
1. Delay the procurement of vaccines
2. Export millions of vaccines before all Indians are vaccinated
3. Conduct super-spreader events
4. All of the above
A. Disclosure of this information is prohibited under the Official Secrets Act, 1923, and since this is a motivated query of ill-intent, an exemplary cost of ₹15 lakh is imposed on this question paper’s authors, who shall debit the amount directly into the Central Vista budget.
Q11. What is India’s true COVID-19 death toll?
A. The information sought falls under Section 8 (1) (w) of the RTI Act which exempts from disclosure stuff that you don’t really want to know.
Q12. Is the coronavirus allergic to cow dung?
A. Kindly explain in writing why criminal proceedings should not be initiated against you under Section 124A (Sedition) of the IPC which prescribes imprisonment for “whoever, by words, either spoken, written, or in a printed question paper, excites, or attempts to excite, disaffection towards the natural products of bos indicus (boss of India).”
Q13. What is the capital of India?
A. The disclosure of this information would prejudicially affect the sovereignty and integrity of India, the security, strategic, scientific and economic interests of the state and is naturally exempted under Section 8 (1) (a) of the RTI Act.
The author of this satire, is Social Affairs Editor, The Hindu.
sampath.g@thehindu.co.in