When speaking, words escape her. Writing allows time to ponder, experiment and edit

Emily Parnell
·3 min read

I recently started a new job, which has been a daily reminder of how terribly awkward I can be. After a year quarantining at home with few chances to exercise my social skills, my small talk skills have gone flabby, and conversations sometimes feel more like feeble tiny talk.

If being honest, quarantine is not fully to blame. I’ve always had a special knack for making it awkward.

Like most other writers and creators I know, I consider myself to be better on paper (or paper’s modern, more diverse digital communications). Although “better on paper” is sometimes used as a slight, inferring false advertising or failing to live up to expectations, it’s a reassurance for someone in the communications world, responsible for producing what ends up on that paper.

When creating a message, presentation or design, I can edit and ponder, experiment with word choices, rearrange, overthink, then shuffle again, all without committing until the final product is delivered. With a bit of time, a framework can be shaded, a draft can be honed until the idea jumps from the page in a vivid dance, with color, emotion and impact.

In stark contrast, when I try to add that same, spontaneous flavor to a conversation, attempts aimed at quirky humor occasionally go ballistic, hitting the unintended mark of obtuse weirdness. Sentences may lurch in fits and starts as I try to select the absolute best word for what I’m describing, then trailing off prematurely after I become frustrated by the interrupted cadence of my thoughts. And so, I try to keep it simple and direct, delivering a stick figure version of what is in my head.

All this used to bother me. I worried I’d be judged solely on awkward, regular Emily. But like awkward Clark Kent when his glasses are removed, or Flat Stanley who found far-reaching adventure and freedom in being flat, my super powers shine as Emily on Paper. I can slide deftly into situations and wield powerful words, build upon a solid framework, catch the eye of the distracted, and wield mighty weapons of prose: the delete key, control and paper cuts.

Emily on paper is confident and brave, willing to confront any subject, confident of taking creative risks, resilient in the face of differences of opinion, on a continuous quest to level up.

I used to wish that I could be more like Emily on Paper, that I could come across as eloquent and polished from the get-go, without the luxuries of a delete key and second draft. But to know me is to know my creative process, to witness my first steps where disjointed idea fragments swirl chaotically before falling into place. When you meet me, you meet my word cloud, gathering information until the order, strategy and meaning take shape. You may witness silence that comes from someone who only wishes to add value, not fluff.

I am work-in-progress, always seeking to improve — an endeavor that necessitates edits. The end game is my product, but I am not the product: I am the living, breathing process — creating, experimenting and revising on-the-fly. I’m finally fine with my sometimes awkward state; I know that I’ll soon create value. I’ve learned that I’m not alone, as it’s the creator’s journey. We gather and synthesize, try out hypotheses, sometimes out loud, and manipulate the information we’re absorbing, wearing our creative processes on our sleeves. The process is necessary — before we can go to work.

Emily Parnell lives in Overland Park and can be reached at emily@emPoweredCreatives.com.