Returnal Weapons, Ranked

Returnal, a new PS5-exclusive action game, is tough as nails. But, as with many games that feature roguelike elements, all sorts of weapons can turn up on your runs. Each one can help you, with various degrees of efficacy, on your quest of “not dying.” Here, according to the tried-and-true scientific method of our long-running underexplained lists, is the definitive ranking of those weapons.

From best to worst...

1. Thermogenic launcher (with “full auto” perk)
2. Tachyomatic carbine
3. Hollowseeker
4. Spitmaw blaster
5. Electropylon driver
6. Modified sidearm
7. Coilspine shredder
8. Dreadbound
9. Pyroshell caster
10. Thermogenic launcher (without “full auto” perk)
11. Literally nothing equipped at all.
12. Seriously, you’d be better running through Atropos with your hands tied behind your back.
13. And blindfolded.
14. Rotgland lobber