Thread: I feel like a piece of ****

I ****ing hate my body type so much. I'm a tall lanky dude with a short torso and long limbs. I have really small forearms, wrists, and calves and I have gyno and store fat in my ass, thighs, and mid section. When I have a shirt on I look like a twig, but when it's off I look a little chubby. Hardly any clothes look good on me so I rotate the same few shirts and hoodies. I'm 6'1 170 pounds and bulked up from 160 without seeing much strength gains. I've had borderline crippling body dysmorphia for a while and was feeling a little better about myself after recomping with p90x for about a year until about October. I've been sedentary basically my whole life so my physique always had like 0 shape to it until then. My body fat percentage was getting lower and my face leaned out for the first time in a while and started looking pretty good from the neck up. But I still had the body of a 14 year old at 24 so I decided to join a gym back in November to put on muscle. I got really consistent from January to about March training 3x a week full body but have since started slacking a bit.

I just saw myself in a bright LED lit changing room and it's completely ****ed my confidence. I looked like a piece of Jello and had stray hairs, stretch marks, and skin discoloration galore. I don't think I can handle continuing to bulk like this. I NEED to get my body fat percentage down. My face doesn't even look good anymore. But if I do I'll basically just go back to looking like a ****in child. I don't know what to do man I just feel like such trash.

I've been training since January or so and it's just not working for me at the rate it should. I'm eating clean with a lot of protein but I'm making very marginal progress in my upper body. My bench went up like 15 pounds (I can only do 110 for 10 reps) while my squat and deadlift have both gone up around 50. I try to increase my upper body reps every week with the program I'm doing but I just can't seem to make progress. I know that I'm supposed to eat more but I hate feeling like a fat piece of **** all the time. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel defeated.

I really don't know if it's real or mental anymore. I had two beautiful girls way out of my league approach me for casual sex recently but when I look at myself in the mirror I honestly have no ****in clue why when just about every guy at my university who isn't obese has a better physique than me. Maybe I'm just good at hiding it under my clothes, who knows. I was hanging out with one of them last weekend and didn't end up hooking up with her out of pure insecurity when she clearly expressed she wanted to. It makes me want to stay inside my room all day and not talk to anybody sometimes.