With board exams getting either cancelled or postponed, students are looking at either a period of academic uncertainty or months of basically doing nothing. Being at the age they are, between 15-16, the months ahead of being cooped up inside their homes and sharing space with one or more generations is bound to lead to some friction. Well-known adolescent counsellor, Dr Rajiv Mohta (psychologist and MD paediatrics), talks to TOI about how both teenagers and their parents must handle the next couple of months till the next academic session starts.
Excerpts from an interview...
Q. While many are happy that board exams have been cancelled, there are quite a few who are disappointed.
A. Of course, there will always be two different opinions about every situation people face in life. But now these teenagers are in the process of becoming young adults and they must introspect their opinion, either in favour or against the decision. The most important part is — can they do anything about it? If the board or the government takes a decision then the issue is no more in control of students. So to fret, ponder and get mentally worked up over things which are beyond your control is meaningless. Instead, try to take every situation as a learning phase which will make you mentally stronger later in life.
Q. For those students whose board exams have been cancelled, there is really nothing to do for three to four months. They can’t even step out.
A. It’s definitely a testing time for them. At a time when their mind is constantly seeking some kind of visual or mental engagement, having months of free time and very less chance of outstation visits means a natural tilt towards increased screen time. Now these teenagers have to show self discipline and self care because they are at that threshold of their life when they crossover to a road where they have to travel alone. Teachers and parents will simply become facilitators, the hand holding stops. They have to show self reliance by sorting out their priorities.
Q. Many teenagers will argue that this is their summer vacation, a time to chill out.
A. The first step is to change the way teenagers define the word summer vacation. I think the world has moved on from the school-exam-vacation calendar and its stereotypical meaning. Now summer vacations mean a time when you can upgrade or upskill in the area which you like. It could be reading, craft or something academic. Indulge in your hobbies and try to move on to the next level. So if you like writing poems, not only write it but also join some online courses related to it. From now summer vacations must mean a time when your ‘liking’ and ‘learning’ converge. And this has to be a self-discovery kind of a process where teenagers learn to understand what they like, and vice-versa.
Q. Many parents now foresee months of bad habit forming for their teenaged children, like sleeping, watching TV or mobile late into the night etc.
A. Parents’ concerns are absolutely valid but to resolve these issues they have to rethink their approach. In fact, they need to completely change it. Parents unfortunately are guilty of communicating with teenagers with a prejudiced mind. For example while waking up the kid who has overslept, parents will shout “get up you lazy bum, is this the time to sleep, you will waste your life sleeping” etc. For girls who don’t show interest in cooking, unfortunately many parents spew off the stereotypical dialogues like “what will you do after marriage, how will you cook etc”. Times are changing and teenagers do not respond well to such type of comments. Instead ask the boy or girl, “how will you cook if tomorrow you have to shift abroad for higher education or a job”. Now that’s a paradigm shift the way you communicate, while the end goal remains the same.
Q. The problem is that many teenagers will simply ask what to do after getting up early. They can’t step out of the house, exams are cancelled and online classes for next session won’t start till July or August.
A. Here parents have to put in that extra effort. I repeat that teenagers are turning into young adults and it’s high time to give them responsibility. They must be given household chores, grocery budget tracking type of activities. Teenagers have too much energy and that’s why it is crucial to keep them engaged constantly but at the same time, make them feel proud of that activity. When parents give responsibility to teenagers, they are slowly eased into the young adult phase. Teenagers love being taken seriously and considered at par with adults. So parents have to start handing out small responsibilities, like paying bills online or ordering something online to teenagers.
Q. Screen time is a major concern. Teenagers are hooked to phones.
A. Smartphones and technology are realities that parents have to deal with. Zero screen time is impossible because classes happen online. For entertainment purpose, parents must speak to children about their concerns over cyber safety. Let the teenagers know that they must not share photos, numbers or any personal data online. Restrict their screen time, but after talking to them. It should not sound like a punishment, but rather an activity in self-restriction. If teenagers feel that parents are forcefully imposing something, they will rebel. So for example if the teenager is watching YouTube, ask him/her to share one interesting video in the family group. It could be an inspirational video, some travel documentary or a cooking show. But by doing so, parents become a part of their teenage kids’ online life as well. You may not be able to track each and every thing teenagers do online, but by collaborating with them this way parents will be more involved.