We all grieve the death of loved ones. Different religious traditions have different ways to mourn the passing of a person. We are familiar with the scene of mourning in a movie. The black-suited ones in Hollywood films or the white ones in Bollywood. Whether Christians, Hindus or Muslims, their traditions allow for the last rites to be performed without delay. But funeral gatherings among Buddhists stretch a week or two in places like Ladakh. Over such a span of time, the gloomy atmosphere dies down to an extent where people seem to cheer about doing ritual things. The ambience of the family home is never quiet and sober. And the tradition has it that close relatives of the deceased wail for the sake of those who come to console them.
To come out of the grief of death, it is first essential to immerse oneself in its gloomy waters. How would one claim to take a swim just by standing on the shore? One has to take the plunge and feel the deepest levels of sorrow. It doesn’t necessarily mean crying all the way down or remaining sad or depressed all the time. What it takes is an atmosphere of silence and quietude so that a grieving individual could go deeper into his being to reflect on the imprint of memories left by the deceased. In that process a cry or two out of genuine regret and a sense of loss, would wash away the guilt of having spent not enough time with the loved one. And when the grieving person touches the innermost depths of grief, it is much easier for him to come out of it by the sheer pull of force that normal life exerts over us.
Tibetan Buddhists lay stress on the subjective mind to be able for a person to lead a happy life. They seem altogether to ignore the objective conditions. Why would a person need quiet and peaceful atmosphere to meditate otherwise? Buddha got enlightenment under the bountiful Bodhi tree. Similarly, without objective conditions necessary for a grieving environment, a person could not grieve to the fullest of his being. And parts of him would be left empty and unhealed.
One may look normal yet deep inside he or she might be undergoing a grieving process that is yet to complete its cycle and heal. He or she may not have the grief gone but have become part of it over the years.
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