Dear AA,
I want to take my family on a vacation. We have been cooped up inside these four walls for too long. My wife is getting irritable and my daughter is getting cheeky. I think she is watching too many OTT serials and learning these attitudes. As for my son, 14 years old, better not ask. We need a break. So, we were thinking of heading off to the Maldives, which is scenic and clean and pure. We can come back refreshed. But my colleague called me today and said, ‘Machaan, don’t take risk. Maldives government is quarantining tourists if there is any case.’ I find this ridiculous. We are paying so much money and taking holiday, why should governments torture us? How long this Covid thollai will continue? Is it not my fundamental right to take my family on holiday?
— Dying of Lonely Torture
Dear DOLT,
You are absolutely right to be annoyed. Whenever I get emails like this, the wonders of travel come back to me in a rush. Are you sure you don’t want to go to Antarctica instead? That is also scenic and clean and pure. And very far away from the rest of us.
I can see that all my desi brothers and sisters think that now that one year is over, they must immediately begin to shop and visit and go to Goa on holiday. Before coming, this Covid virus had made its own travel itinerary and in that it was clearly stated that it is going to stay for one year only on Planet Earth. So, everyone is packing bags and baggage and leaving on a jet plane. You must also do so.
But before travelling to scenic island, perhaps you can read island government’s health notice? Because there it is clearly stated that if anybody on incoming aeroplane has Covid means passengers from two seats front and back plus all parties coming into contact with above person will be put into quarantine. On same scenic island.
Now, this sounds extremely unreasonable to me. After all, why should an Indian tourist’s holiday be spoilt because scenic island wants to protect itself from pandemic? And why should people be careless enough to get infected while travelling to scenic island? There are so many other places to fall sick and let holiday revellers revel in peace.
This thoughtlessness is seen everywhere. In the independent house on the next street, my friend Sheela lives. It is her ancestral home, a very large one. She was getting very bored indoors, so she decided to go for a small get-together of 20-30 people in her friend Rohit’s 2BHK flat. They drank and laughed and danced. A good time was had by all. You won’t believe this, but three days later Rohit was inconsiderate enough to test positive. Sheela is really indignant. Can’t people wait at least a decent 3-4 weeks after get-together to fall sick?
Anyway, all this talk of holidays has brought another scenic island in the Indian Ocean floating dreamily into my mind. Called Bali. Same island from which Indian family stole towels, soap dish, even pillows and flower vases from the hotel room. The hotel staff got very angry, I don’t know why. After all, when the loot came tumbling out, the family kept saying, ‘We will pay, we will pay.’ Surely these scenic island hotel staff know by now that once they are caught, our tourists quickly pay up.
In that same spirit, you must instantly go to Maldives. So what if you are risking yourself and everyone else? You are special. You are a desi tourist.
— AA
agony.akka@gmail.com