Once you can return safely, here are One Lucky Fan’s picks for the best at MLB parks

There is just no prettier picture in baseball. The arm’s length view of the city skyline at PNC is overwhelming. The yellow Roberto Clemente bridge in the foreground is the gravy on top. PNC was my No. 1 stadium in my rankings in “One Lucky Fan” — and this view is the primary reason. Get yourself a $25 seat in the first few rows of the upper deck between third base and home plate and see how often you get distracted by staring off into space, rather than pay attention to the game. Hey, maybe that’s why Bob Nutting has gotten away with robbing his fan base blind the past few years! Seriously, that 2015 team with Cutch, Gerrit Cole, Charlie Morton, A.J. Burnett and more seems like a million years ago. Their payroll is now a paltry $50 million-ish. Ugh. But forget all that. It’s Opening Day and hope springs eternal. Even for you, Jolly Roger-raisers! So I know this much about myself. Once I’ve gotten that second jab and two weeks passes without incident, I will be heading out on a mini-road trip to revisit my “happy place” in baseball.

I will never forget the beer vendor in “new Comiskey” (I refuse to keep up with new names) at a rando evening game back when I was in grad school at Northwestern in May 1998… he would come around every now and then and simply ask:

“Whoooooo’s ready?… (looooong pause)… for THE TASTE?”

Man, oh, man, I have never heard a better pitch for a beer — or anything — at a game. I don’t know what swill I was drinking that night (as my mate, who was from Baltimore, kept calling Sidney Ponson something like “tea-kettle ass”) but I know I enjoyed “the taste” all night.

And since then my palate has developed a bit more and now I am an unapologetic beer snob. So, for my money, I christen Seattle, Philly and Minny the kings of beer. And not because they serve the King of Beers, but because they offer so much more. When I’m visiting a new town, I want to sample local microbrews. ACTUAL microbrews, so SIT DOWN, Goose Island — sadly I don’t mean you anymore. Seattle takes the belt here for one reason. This.

Fans can go there and see what beers are being sold where and for how much. WHY IS THIS NOT ON EVERY TEAM’S SITE? This attention to detail, this display of caring for fans’ wallets and time, this is so rare as to be noteworthy. As for Minny and Philly, I’ve found their offerings to be a-plenty as well, with a focus on the local.

The worst? Miller Park in Milwaukee. Why? Re-peep the name of the park and take a wild guess. (🚨 IMPORTANT UPDATE! 🚨 IT IS NO LONGER MILLER PARK BUT … AMERICAN … FAMILY … FIELD. Whatever that is. So maybe their beer selection won’t suck now. Dare to dream. It is Milwaukee. Please give me something good with which to wash down that tasty brat, thanks)

As for food, San Diego with its fish tacos and tri-tip nachos, and Minny with its eclectic fare rank high for me. Having Indian food at a ballpark, as I did at Target Field, and not being disgusted but actually pleased was a big moment. As was getting a salad in Houston. Houston! And it wasn’t even deep fried! But honestly, there is so much variety out there now it is inspiring. You cannot go wrong in any park anymore. Unlike the old days, there is something more than peanuts and Cracker Jacks up for grabs. Explore and enjoy it all. I would say make sure you try the X at Y ballpark, but given it’s been a minute since we’ve had live baseball, menus change seasonally anyway, and I don’t want to wind up in a Schmitter situation here. Oh, Schmitter, how I miss you.

There are a number of parks where the ambience alone is worth a visit. The roar of the crowd, an entertaining audio/visual experience, or perhaps a unique aspect to the stadium all act as qualifiers here. For instance, getting to walk around behind the fountains at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, and hearing the roaring/splashing water … the fireworks popping out of the “Power Stacks” at the Great American Ballpark in Cincy after a homer … the general atmosphere at Fenway Park.

Sadly, my two favorite quirks in all of baseball are now stories in the past tense. The “beach” at San Diego’s Petco Field has been removed. And the allure of train horns as they rumble past Safeco (I warned you about new names) has gone the way of the telegraph. At least you can still hear them off in the distance from time to time.

First of all, as a kidless fan I am way underqualified to go into serious detail here, but I will tell you two things: 1. Nearly every park now has stuff for the kiddies. Let’s face it: they do not care about the strategy involved in righty-lefty matchups in the seventh inning after they have ingested half-a-week’s worth of sugar in the first three innings. They wanna go play. And parks now have places for them to do so. And sorry, you’ll be missing that chess match between managers for a few innings, but who told you to have kids anyway? 2. Based on my own observations, I noted to myself the many options available at Citi Field, the Georgia team’s new “baseballtown,” somewhere just shy of the Tennessee border and nowhere actually near Atlanta, and once again Minny.

There is something for everyone at MLB parks these days. Even someone who has seen it all is excited to get back out there. Hope you are too.