We talk a lot about inclusiveness and teaching our sons to be better human beings in this hopelessly male-centric world of ours. No doubt we must do it, but we must also talk about the mental hurdles women should overcome if we are ever to even dream about an equal society. These hurdles grow with them and end up as a gigantic tree extremely difficult to be axed try as you may.
Susan, my classmate, could never walk alone in that friendly co-educational college campus of ours. Whenever she wanted to go to the library, canteen or even restroom, she would ask one of her girl classmates to accompany her. All these places were just a stone’s throw from our classroom, but she never could muster courage enough to walk alone. This was of course 40 years ago, but I found it very odd that a girl should behave like that even then. If a woman is not at peace with the freedom she has, how can she ever be free or equal in this patriarchal world?
My aunt Seetha was a wonderful woman. Widowed at a pretty young age, she fought against many odds in her life. She went on to become a teacher, won awards and made a difference in the lives of many underprivileged children whom she tutored. Though financially independent, she could never bring herself to live an independent life. She always clung to her relatives even if it was no bed of roses. Another thing she found difficult to do was walk into a restaurant and dine there alone. Though this might seem a trivial thing, in my opinion if not for her mental hurdle, she would have enjoyed many happy evenings in her life. After a day of hard toil when she headed home, she used to be invariably hungry and crave for some snacks and her favourite filter coffee. She just had to walk into a hotel that was just a few yards away to have her evening coffee, but she never could bring herself to do that. She is not in this world now but each time I think about her, I am reminded of the many number of cups of filter coffee she could have relished had it not been for her mental hurdle that prevented her from doing so.
Mothers fight like tigers to educate their daughters these days, especially if they themselves are not so educated. They know that their daughters will grow up to be confident young women only if they get good education. These same mothers would be happy to send their daughters to the U.S., if an NRI lad comes along. Little do they think about the lonely hours and days their daughters will be doomed to confront, for their smart daughter cannot work there, as she has gone there as a dependent of her spouse. Isn’t it high time our mothers and daughters sprinted out of all their mental hurdles and state categorically that a girl’s career is as important as that of a boy’s and a smart educated girl cannot be expected to sit at home.
India is a country of innumerable rituals and customs. A chunk of these can be done away with if women can put their foot down and firmly say no to it. In Tamil Nadu, as soon as a girl attains puberty, it is celebrated as a big event calling all the kith and kin. In this age of science and progress, I definitely think such an uncomfortable custom should be done away with totally. Unless women realise it and do away with such a custom that also costs a lot, it cannot be eradicated. It is time we started thinking about a progressive society where a girl’s coming of age is not a big event but what she achieves in life is!
The great Indian wedding is another thing in which our women folks can think progressively. In most marriages, an exorbitant amount of money is spent for no reason at all. If women can force a cut on marriage expenses, ours would be a better country to live in. Let life begin more beautifully and more simple in all ways and let the great Indian kitchen be shared by man and woman together.
