Dangers of digital dating

In the digital era we live in, an online relationship (OR) is emerging as an interesting trend. A new relationship is just a click away. Exciting, isn’t it? The fun social media and dating apps offer, comes with some risk. People are known to face difficulties in forming meaningful connections virtually, and then find it challenging to deal with heartbreaks. In several cases, it has led to depression or gamophobia (fear of commitment).

Initially, it starts with mutual attraction. People exchange numbers and start talking. Gradually, they build trust. The initial six months are exciting. Things go well till the arguments and quarrels creep in. One of my clients, a 27-year-old woman, saw me when she was distraught after her breakup. After three months of dating virtually, the couple committed towards a relationship. But after 10 months, her partner blocked her and disappeared. She tried to trace him but was unsuccessful.

She quit her job and started living a life of seclusion. Then one day, through an online source, she found that her former boyfriend had married somebody else. Emotionally numb and severely depressed, she came to me. It took several counselling sessions to make her smile again. Their relationship had reached the ‘climax period’. It’s important to understand what this is. Following the ‘honeymoon period’ or the initial excitement of being in a relationship, the climax period hits home.

This is when the brain, that initially released dopamine or the happy hormones, gets habituated to the sameness of the situation and stops producing it. In this period, the couple starts to lose interest in each other. Complacency takes over.

While this can happen with anybody in any kind of relationship setup, it’s more rampant in online ones because of the lack proximity. If you do decide to proceed in an online relationship, be aware of your emotions. Communicate openly. And if things don’t go as planned, learn to let go for the sake of your health. The writer is a consultant psychologist and life coach, and director, MIND’S, Kolkata