CHENNAI: September 6, 2018. Even as the LGBT community and its allies across the country celebrated the SC judgment reading down Section 377 and decriminalising homosexuality, in Chennai, a heartbroken Muhilann Murugan left home to fend for himself.
“My brother had told my mother that I am gay. She couldn’t handle it and asked me to leave,” says Muhilann. Today, the 25-year-old works as an architect, is in a relationship, and his mother has not only welcomed him back, but also accepted his partner.
It’s been two years since the historic SC ruling. But have things changed on the ground for same sex couples? In a society where public display of affection is frowned upon, and even heterosexual couples face criticism if they do not conform to societal norms, same sex couples still have many a battle to fight. On Valentine’s day, a few of them share what has changed, or not, post the SC judgment.
“My mother didn’t speak to me for six months. Later, when she read an article about transwomen being beaten up and killed, she got scared and asked me to come home. I had to explain that I am not a transwoman,” says Muhilann. “Now she is fond of my partner, cooks for him, and gives us relationship advice.”
Though his workplace and friends are understanding, Muhilann says the gay community continues to face discrimination. “Cops still look at usdifferently.Morethan a year ago, my friend and I went for a walk after dinner. There were others, but cops questioned us, called our parents and told them we are gay.”
That’s the reason why Saravana Kumar and his partner S Saravanan do not publicise their relationship though they have been together for six years. “Our parents got to know about identity after seeing some of our TikTok videos and they are still upset about it,” says Saravanan, who is heading to Kollimalai for Valentine’s Day. “So we don’t talk about our relationship though many people guess we are a couple.”
It’s a bit tougher for women who identify as lesbian or bisexual, says 25-year-old Nithya M. “I came out to my brother as bisexual but he couldn’t accept it. People don’t take it seriously and ask me why I can’t marry a man since I am bisexual,” says Nithya, who has been in a relationship with a woman for almost three years. But a few things have changed for the better in the past couple of years, she admits. “Some people now realise that we are just like them and have begun trying to understand us,” says Nithya.
The ruling also brought the till-then taboo subject into public discourse. “It helped boost our confidence as we feel we have some legal support now,” says Saravana Kumar. There is more awareness in educational institutions and workplaces, says Saravanan.
However, they do want to have the rights to marry and have a family. “We should be able to get married as it not only legitimises our relationship but also gives us partner rights,” says Muhilann, who hopes to be able to adopt or have children through surrogacy. Nithya agrees. “Last year, my partner was in the ICU and I wasn’t allowed to meet her as I wasn’t family. It would be good if we could be identified as partners in emergencies,” she says.