The brands are at it again, folks, more or less spoiling the most fun part of any Super Bowl—the ads—by releasing them early online. Of course, several of the big players are bypassing ads entirely, allaying themselves the fear of going viral for the wrong reasons by pumping their spending into COVID-19 relief. That, of course, leaves plenty of room for the more daring companies among us, many of whom have already begun teasing their big ads. Below, you’ll find the likes of Michael B. Jordan, Lil Nas X, Dolly Parton, John Cena, and Marshawn Lynch, among many others, elevating some truly dire scenarios.
Let’s have a look at some of the most notable ones below.
Amazon
Who’s in it: Michael B. Jordan
What is he doing: Playing a hot version of Alexa for a woman in an unhappy marriage.
Bud Light
Who’s in it: Post Malone and Cedric the Entertainer
What are they doing: Reuniting with other former Bud Light pitchmen, including the Bud Knight and the Real Men Of Genius singer, who is actually Survivor singer Dave Bickler.
Bud Light Seltzer Lemonade
Who’s in it: Nobody you’d know, probably
What are they doing: Reimagining the pandemic as an apocalyptic storm of lemons because when life gives you lemons...
Cheetos
Who’s in it: Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis
What are they doing: Ashton is mad that Mila keeps eating the Cheetos, but after taking the advice of Shaggy, who lives in their house, she chooses to deny having eaten them, despite her obvious Cheetos fingers. Shaggy does a snack-themed verse of his 2000 hit single “It Wasn’t Me.” Lesser version of Doritos’ M.C. Hammer commercial from last year. 2 stars out of five, all of which go to Shaggy.
Doritos
Who’s in it: Matthew McConaughey
What is he doing: Realizing that the only cure for his affliction—being flat like a piece of parchment paper—is Doritos 3D, the likes of which he steals by snaking through a vending machine’s snack dispenser. Celebrities, always thinking they don’t have to pay for shit.
Frito-Lay
Who’s in it: Marshawn Lynch, Deion Sanders, Jerry Rice, Terry Bradshaw, Jerome Bettis, Troy Aikman, and Eli and Payton Manning
What are they doing: Performing a Super Bowl-themed riff on “The Night Before Christmas” that’s centered around various kinds of chips. Now will you buy some Tostitos?
Logitech
Who’s in it?: Lil Nas X
What is he doing: Encouraging us to “create the future by defying the logic of the past.” Considering the guy got famous on TikTok with a country-rap song, that actually means something when he says it.
Michelob Ultra
Who’s in it: Peyton Manning and Serena Williams
What are they doing: Having fun and drinking beer in their million-dollar homes as a narrator babbles some drivel about being happy.
Mountain Dew
Who’s in it: John Cena and a barking watermelon dog
What are they doing: Teasing a watermelon-flavored Mountain Dew, as well as a contest in which the first egghead to count every bottle of this neon swill in its actual Super Bowl commercial will win a million bucks.
Pringles
Who’s in it: Some astronauts who have just returned from space
What are they doing: Slowly dying of thirst, hunger, and exposure because the suits at NASA are too busy “stacking Pringles.”
Squarespace
Who’s in it: Dolly Parton
What is she doing: Singing a hideous new version of “9 to 5" called “5 to 9" that tries to make the concept of 12-hour work days sound fun. Fuck right the hell off.
Stella Artois
Who’s in it: Lenny Kravitz
What’s he doing: Telling us to make the most of our lives while shilling for beer.
Tide
Who’s in it: Jason Alexander
What is he doing: Getting doused in gunk and ass smell as a hoodie, dubbed “Jason Alexander hoodie” by a teen’s weary mother. We hate to give one to The Brands, but this one is funny. Kudos to its use of Joey Scarbury’s “Believe It Or Not,” a reference to a particularly inspired Seinfeld bit.