18 Passive-Aggressive Gifts for Your Terrible Roommate
When you share a living space with other human beings, a few bumps in the road are inevitable. That's especially true now that, thanks to the ongoing pandemic, you've been stuck inside with your roommate more often than you'd like. Sometimes those bumps can feel more like mountains. You know, like when your roommate is constantly "forgetting" to pay the bills, leaving clothes all over the floor, and stealing your food from the fridge.
Instead of treating your roomie to another coffee gift card or pair of slippers, why not get them a gift that'll double as a hint? Healthy communication is fine and dandy, but so is a self-help book, an oversized robe, or one of the other recommendations in this list.
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Photograph: AmazonFor the Extra-Casual Dresser
Alexander Del Rossa Plush Fleece Robe with HoodWe all like dressing down, but if your roommate gets a little too casual, it's time to rectify that situation. You could just pipe up and politely ask them to avoid walking around the house sans pants, especially when you're in a Zoom meeting, and especially while you're in a Zoom meeting with your boss. Alternatively, just get them this oversize robe. It has a hood, deep pockets, and most important, a big tie to hold the whole thing together. Your roommate will be happy, and your colleagues won't be scarred for life.
Photograph: AmazonFor the Forgetful Roommate
Quick Canary Magnetic Weekly Dry Erase BoardDoes your housemate "forget" to pay bills by their due date? Are they constantly shirking pet-sitting duties? Have you reminded them several times which day of the week is trash day, only to watch them miss it again? Enough! This household calendar sticks to your fridge, though you can also hang it on the wall. Use the included dry-erase markers to jot down important dates and reminders so you never have to nag your roommate again. It's also handy to have these around for less passive-aggressive purposes. Use it to inform your roommates you're going out of town, or mark down birthdays so no one forgets.
Photograph: AmazonFor the Food Thief
Dissolvable Food LabelsIs your fridge space being eradicated by leftovers? Do you swear your housemate is stealing your food? This is more a gift to yourself, but use these labels to mark the date or, better yet, your territory. They're dissolvable—the adhesive washes right off and won't ruin your storage containers. They also stick to just about everything, even your special name-brand plant milk. Your future hungry self will thank you.
Photograph: Universal YumsFor the Snack Stealer
Universal Yums Snack BoxSometimes, no matter how politely you ask or how well you hid the goods, roommates have a way of breaking open your specially curated snacks. A snack subscription like this one will deliver them a special box of munchies every month, which should help deter them from scarfing down whatever you were looking forward to eating during your next Netflix binge (or give you more time to conceal your stash of chips).
For more options, check out our guide to the Best Snack Box Subscriptions.
Photograph: Getty ImagesFor When You Need to Speak Without Speaking
Post-It Big NotesThey say go big or go home, and these massive sticky notes are about as big as they get. Leave some not-so-gentle reminders (or sweet notes of encouragement) around the house. Remind roomie it's their turn to do the dishes, or that you're pretty sure something is gaining sentience in the fridge. Offer motivation ("You can do it!") before a job interview because they need to get their life in order or else. These notes will help you say whatever it is you need to say, all without having to utter a word—the ultimate passive-aggressive move.
Photograph: AmazonFor the Disorganized Roommate
AmazonBasics Closet Storage OrganizerIf messy closets are your kryptonite, get your roommate this inexpensive shelf. It has built-in bins, so it'll work in a myriad of spaces. Put it in the front entryway for an easy shoe storage solution, or keep it near the TV to stash video game cases and controllers away. Each shelf has a 10-pound capacity, and assembly is simple.
Photograph: AmazonFor the Chore Avoider
Dyson V8 Animal Cordless Stick Vacuum CleanerIt's not that your roomie hates vacuuming. They swear they just can't stand the crappy vacuum in the closet. Give the gift of clean floors with this lightweight and powerful model from Dyson. It's wireless, has super-strong suction, and is easy to maneuver around tight corners or awkward furniture. It can also convert into a handheld vacuum to clean up small areas like their trash-strewn vehicle footwell or the inside of their closet.
If you have doubts your roommate will ever vacuum, even with this upgrade, then you should treat the house to a robot vacuum cleaner. You'll never have to cajole it into doing its part. These robot vacuums are our favorite.
Photograph: PhilipsIf They Say the ‘Light Switch Is Too Far’
Philips Hue Starter KitIf your roommate likes to leave every single light in the house on, for hours, even though nobody is in the well-lit rooms and the electric bill is shamefully high, a good smart bulb kit can help. Philips Hue bulbs are user-friendly and highly customizable. You can choose from multiple shades of white and, depending on which kit you buy, millions of colors as well. LEDs are significantly cheaper to power than their incandescent counterparts, and they have a much longer shelf life. Once your home is equipped, adding more bulbs is easy and not too expensive.
It supports Alexa and Google Assistant speakers too, so your roommate can just speak a command to control them. The real kicker, though, is the ability to use the companion app to turn lights off and on. If you're out of the house, and you have a sneaking suspicion you're paying to illuminate a room to the benefit of absolutely no one, you can tap a button and remotely shut the lights off. You can also enable location services so the lights automatically turn off when nobody's home.
Photograph: GrencoFor the Cannabis Lover
Grenco G Pen Gio VaporizerSo weed is now legal in your state, and your roommate decided to celebrate by turning your coffee table into what looks like a resin-covered shrine to Infected Mushroom. You can't even set your coffee cup down, because every surface is covered in schwag, lighters, and ashtrays in various states of disarray. The Gio from G Pen is a fantastic little handheld vape, especially if local dispensaries have cartridges readily available. The charge lasts for days if not weeks, depending on the frequency of use, and the vapor smell isn't as obtrusive as other forms of cannabis use. The Gio is comparable in many ways to more expensive vapes.
If the conspicuous consumption isn't the issue, but you're tired of staring at the Day-Glo Bob Marley bong in your living room, you can opt for the luxurious (and much pricer) Stündenglass. It can be used with flower and concentrates, and it also works as a hookah.
Photograph: Joseph ShinFor the Frantic Key Seeker
Tile StickerIf your roomie is always forgetting their keys, these tracking stickers can help put a stop to the "SOS I'm locked out!" texts at 3 am. You can stick them to nearly anything, like a phone, wallet, keychain, or bike helmet. Once the object in question is inevitably lost, a few taps in the Tile app can help track the item's precise location. There's even a sweet lost-and-found network, which uses other Tile stickers to help triangulate the location of an item if you're out of tracking range.
Photograph: Joseph ShinFor the Music Blaster
1More ColorBudsThe only thing more annoying than someone taking over the TV room with a show you hate blasting on full volume? Someone blaring the same show with their tinny computer speakers. Rather than resigning yourself to seven more seasons of Seinfeld reruns, gift your roomie a pair of earbuds. These have Bluetooth connectivity, so they should pair perfectly with whatever screen is being used, from phone to tablet to PC. They're quite affordable and perform really well even compared to pricier earbuds.
Check out our Best Headphones for $100 or Less guide for more.
Photograph: Simply OrganizedFor the Tub Clogger
TubShroom Drain ProtectorSo your shower drain is backing up again. You know it's not your fault, because you diligently collect and dispose of your hair like a Decent Human Being. This plastic protector will ensure your tub drains as expected. It catches hair and other nonsense, and it's easy to clean. You can't force your roommate to clean up after themselves, but with this you'll be able to waste less time doing it yourself. Just make sure you have some sturdy gloves.
Photograph: AmazonFor the Anti-Folder
BoxLegend Folding BoardIf you're in a shared living situation where your clothes are stored near your roommate's, keeping everything neat is nonnegotiable. Perhaps your roomie constantly complains about running out of storage space. Whatever the case may be, this folding board will help you and them achieve neat, storefront-worthy stacks of clothes, towels, and sheets. Since everything will be folded uniformly, any available storage space will be used more efficiently as well. I daresay it might even make folding laundry … fun.
Photograph: SliceFor the Amazon Addict
Slice Auto-Retractable Box CutterIf your roomie is coping with the pandemic by shopping online, it's hard to blame them—but all that cardboard starts to add up. The Slice Box Cutter made our list of the best gadgets under $20 for good reason. The ceramic blade retracts automatically for safety, and the ergonomic design makes it easy to break down box mountains into a much more manageable size.
This tool has become essential in dealing with my packages, and it's so easy to use that if you're somehow tasked with breaking down roomie's trash again, you'll be able to do it quickly. The tool comes with a blade, but refills are inexpensive. Maybe being forced to face their pile of recycling will even convince your roommate to cut back on the impulse buys.
Photograph: BluelandFor the Beard-Trimming Enthusiast
Blueland The Clean Up KitIf your place is grubby and your roommate is to blame, having additional cleaning supplies on hand can help. You're going to need to be careful with this one, though. You can't just pop a bow on a container of Clorox wipes and call it a day. This sustainable kit includes reusable 20-ounce bottles, plus cleaning solution tablets. Dissolve the tablets in water and you'll be left with colorful bathroom, glass, or multi-surface cleaners in aesthetically pleasing spray bottles. Maybe bubblegum pink bathroom cleanser will encourage your housemate to freaking wipe up all their tiny little beard hairs already.
Photograph: DroppsFor the Detergent Dumper
Dropps Laundry Detergent PodsIf your roommate uses more laundry detergent than seemingly anyone else on the planet, these preportioned pods will be a boon to both your washing machine and your wallet. No more filling the blue cap to the brim with needless quantities of soap! (Or drips of gunk down the sides of the bottle you're forced to stare at every time you swap your clothes out.)
These detergent pods are concentrated and powerful, and the optional fragrance is nice but not overwhelming. Dropps is also a sustainable company—the packaging is compostable, the shipping is carbon neutral, and the products are plant-based. Simply toss a single pod in and you'll have enough soap to wash an entire load of clothes. Note that subscriptions are cheaper than buying a pack individually, but you'll want to check on your account every so often in case you need to skip a month or cancel.
Photograph: AmazonFor the Crazy Cat Companion
Litter GenieIt's hard not to love your roommate's cat, but the litter box odor is another situation entirely. Lest you are resigned to clean out the box yourself or have a 5-minute conversation with your roommate about it, give a gift to everyone with Litter Genie. It's featured in our guide to the Best Cat Supplies.
Once somebody cleans the cat box and scoops waste into the Litter Genie, it stashes waste internally in a sleeve of plastic bags. This both keeps the waste hidden and traps odors for up to two weeks. The process is automatic; come trash day, just press a button to cut the collected waste bags for you to tie off, and after tying a knot at the bottom of the sleeve, the process starts anew.
Photograph: AmazonThe Last-Ditch Effort
Unfu*k YourselfThere's subtle hint-dropping, and then there's gifting someone a book called Unfuck Yourself. Still, this self-help book has quite positive feedback across the net, and sometimes a little tough love can make all the difference. If your roomie is a bookworm, they might get a kick out of this title's no-nonsense approach to removing the self-imposed roadblocks and limitations from one's life. Who knows? Maybe some of the lessons will even stick around.
Another popular self-help title, Make Your Bed, might be a better option if your roommate is as straight-laced as they are slovenly.
