“It was my daughter Harshita’s mehendi night. I told myself I won’t cry; she was marrying the man she wanted and was extremely happy. After she applied her mehendi and we saw each other on a video call, she asked, ‘Ma, how does my mehendi look?’ That is when all my promises of being strong went for a toss. I quickly ended the call and burst into tears,” says Anamika Saikia who was in Assam when Harshita was getting married in Vietnam. Due to pandemic-related travel restrictions, no one from Anamika’s family could travel to be with Harshita.
Indian weddings are traditionally a joyous time when the extended family reunites, with friends and relatives travelling from around the world to celebrate together.
COVID-19 has altered the big fat Indian wedding, perhaps irrevocably as couples experience the benefits of smaller, more intimate weddings. However, for those living far away from home, the lockdowns and travel restrictions meant getting married in the absence of even parents and siblings in attendance.
2020 weddings will be remembered for no-contact invitations, bio-secure bubbles, staggered guest lists and couples dressed in PPE suits. This was the year of wedding vows over a phone, takeaway wedding dinners and guests on Zoom.
Innovative alternatives
Harshita left for Vietnam’s Ho Chi Minh city in January,where her fiancé lived, in search of a job before the pandemic broke. However, when airports closed in March, plans went awry and finally Harshita and her husband Abhishek Agarwal got married with no family in attendance. Instead, her friends from her yoga and dance classes were at the wedding, along with Abhishek’s colleagues. “I shifted to Vietnam just before lockdown. We expected it to end by August, so we were quite relaxed. When the pandemic didn’t seem like it was going to end any time soon, our families took the tough decision of asking us to marry without them,” she says.
Once they decided to go ahead with the wedding, Harshita started looking for clothes, jewellery, a tailor and a mehendi artist. When she couldn’t find a mehendi artist, she worked with a tattoo artiste who promised to do his best to create Indian mehendi designs. The pandit (temple priest) who conducted the wedding over video call, from Abhishek’s parents’ house in Delhi, asked the couple not to worry about the puja paraphernalia.
However, Harshita says it was difficult to get married without their families present. “It was chaotic and tiring, apart from being extremely emotional. When the moment came, I was sitting in the mandap holding a phone; I cannot explain what was going in my heart. I wanted to see my mother and hug her...”
When Canada-based Yashodhara Lahon’s sister, Augustina Gogoi got married in November, in Guwahati, Yashodhara could not attend. But, determined not to miss out on the fun, she organised a bridal shower over video call, for which she gathered their cousins, all wielding glasses of wine in their own homes.
They dressed up, spoke about the fun the three would have had if they were together, and giggled for long, recollecting mischievous childhood memories. The bride dressed up in a lehenga and her sister and cousin decked up for the virtual party. Yashodhara invited a few of her colleagues for a virtual mehendi night.
Augustina says, “My sister would’ve made sure me and my parents were absolutely stress-free. She has a great sense of style and I wanted her to get me ready and sit by my side during the juron (shagun) ceremony. I missed all my cousins for my wedding. We are a big gang and together, we are good enough to make up for a loud, crazy bunch. So a wedding that would have had at least 500 people, was attended by not more 50.”
Yashodhara says “Never in my dreams did I imagine that I wouldn’t be there to witness my sister’s wedding, or hold her hand to assure her that everything will go well. The pandemic ruined all my elaborate plans to dress up, dance and enjoy Indian wedding food. The week before the wedding, I was extremely emotional and got upset with everything. There was nothing that could cheer me up.”
For years to come...
To 32-year-old Mumbai-based businessman Ritesh Nath, getting married during the pandemic felt like marrying without anyone’s consent. He got married when travel restrictions were strict as the parents — his and the bride’s — did not want the couple of postpone the dates fixed for August. So with only 10 friends in attendance, he married Kalpana in the terrace of their Thane apartment while their parents attended via video call. Ritesh gifted his “not so tech-savvy” parents in Jharkhand and in-laws in Madhya Pradesh a smart phone each, so that they could be part of the wedding.
He explains feeling “excited, yet not excited.” Ritesh says, “There is no fun in getting married without being surrounded by your loved ones. Even if it was just our parents and siblings, it would have been enough to make it feel like a wedding. We were happy, but we felt lonely. Our friends did a lot for us but some relations cannot be substituted. We are going to have a big get together in Madhya Pradesh next year for our anniversary.”
Abhishek too has cheerful plans for next year. He says “I am looking forward to going back to India when things become normal. To get married once again to my wife and eat as many sweets as we are offered.”