Broken adults that were wounded as children  

HYDERABAD :  Remember the Hollywood movie Silver Linings Playbook (2014)? It’s about Pat Solano, played by Bradley Cooper who has Bipolar Disorder and his tumultuous relationship with the character Tiffany Maxwell who’s diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? Or the book ‘Girl, Interrupted’ written by American author Susanna Kaysen, who had BPD which had its roots in Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)?

And now, during this time of the pandemic while all are trying to balance their sanity, knowingly or unknowingly parents seem to be neglecting the emotional needs and concerns of their children which can later turninto BPD, a mental health disorder which instils emotional instability, hurtful relationships, doubt, fear and a constant sense of emptiness coupled with an obsession for perfection.

Children with emotional abuse or neglect grow up to be as individuals with a deep fear of abandonment that much like the layers of an onion is attached to more unstable conditions of mistrust, failure and a constant search for validation from others.  Healing from BPD involves breaking the dysfunctional patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that cause distress. “It’s not easy to break away from the influences of the past and set yourself free.

Choosing to behave differently and in more healthy ways will feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first. But with time you’ll form new habits that help you maintain your emotional balance and stay in control,” says clinical psychologist Wasim Rashid Kakroo, who works as a child and adolescent therapist. In the book ‘Healing Your Emotional Self’ author Beverly Engel mentions the different case studies which include that of a successful person in his mid 50s feeling empty.

Talking more about this, clinical psychologist Radhika Acharya shares, “We don’t talk about emotional vulnerability in our society. During the early years when a child is neglected while he’s sad that’s how a sense of distrust is instilled into him which later develops as a major personality trait. When the child grows up, his emotions are neglected and in the guise of harsh words, he is disciplined. During the pandemic, CEN is increasing.

The need of the hour is that the parents need to understand children’s psyche.” Unfortunately, nobody feels that there’s a problem when the emotions of a child are neglected. It becomes a serious mental health issue when such toxicity of distrust and being left out in the cold get rooted deep within the child appearing as a sense of emptiness despite trying to improve harder. “Such adults attract broken persons as their partners. Unconsciously, they assign the role of a parent to him/her attracting the same results of being abandoned,” adds Dr Sucharita, a counselling psychologist who has done extensive research on CEN. She adds that till the time the issue isn’t addressed it can’t be healed. 

In many cases, self-care and self-love skills may not always help. “That’s when additional professional help may be indicated for which one may need to visit a clinical psychologist who is expert in dealing with BPD cases and who knows in-depth about Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Schema Therapy,” adds Wasim. And what about medication? “Although many people with BPD take medication, the fact is that there is very little research showing that it is helpful.

What’s more, in the US, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved any medications for the treatment of BPD. This doesn’t mean that medication is never helpful—especially if you suffer from co-occuring problems such as depression or anxiety—but it is not a cure for BPD itself,” he informs.

“When it comes to BPD, therapy is much more effective. You just have to give it time. However, medication may be considered if: You have been diagnosed with both BPD and depression or bipolar disorder. Or you suffer from panic attacks and severe anxiety and begin hallucinating or having bizarre, paranoid thoughts, you are feeling suicidal or at risk of hurting yourself or others,” adds Wasim.

During this time of the pandemic while all are trying to balance their sanity, knowingly or unknowingly parents seem to be neglecting the emotional needs and concerns of their children which can later turn into Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a mental health disorder which instils emotional instability, hurtful relationships, doubt, fear and a constant sense of emptiness coupled with an obsession for perfection

Help at hand 
Hyderabad City Police and  Safe City Projects organised an online discussion on ‘The pandemic and its impact on mental health. Talking about it Shikha Goel, Addl Commissioner of Police (Crimes & SIT) said: “A large number of cases are not reported and are becoming invisible especially ever since WFH started. If anyone is facing issues the police are always there, they just have to call us.

The mental health of the family is also compromised when the family is confined behind the four walls.” To this Dr MS Reddy, psychiatrist, Asha Hospital added, “People have all the time in the world. Are they using it wisely?  Are they taking care  of the mental health  of their children?  Children love holidays, but this is a kind of holiday that they have started  to hate. We send kids  to school also for 
developing social learning and cognition. It’s going to disturb them to be at home all time.” 

Self care tips

• Try to simply experience your feelings without judgment or criticism
• Let go of the past and the future and focus exclusively on the present moment
• Mindfulness techniques can be very effective in this regard
• Reduce your emotional vulnerability
•  Avoid mood-altering drugs 
•  Eating a balanced, nutritious diet 
•  Getting plenty of quality sleep 
•  Exercising regularly 
•  Minimising stress 
•  Practising relaxation techniques     
•  Learn to control impulsivity and tolerate distress     
•  Distress tolerance skills can help you in situations when you feel overwhelmed by stress. 
•  Improve your interpersonal skills BPD affects your ability to communicate effectively in the interpersonal spaces.
• The techniques that help to tolerate distress include grounding techniques, watching TV, doing something that keeps you busy, doing vigorous exercise, calling friend etc.    

— Saima Afreen  saima@newindianexpress.com  @Sfreen