It wasn’t romantic: Once upon a time I met the Devil in a theatre in Kolkata

One of the things I don’t miss in the Covid world is movie theatres. Don’t get me wrong, I love cinema, I just don’t like the theatre experience. And this is not part of my cranky middle-aged man routine. As much as I try, I just cannot romanticise single screen theatres, which were what we grew up to in Kolkata, hot and claustrophobic, the “AC” always out of order, the only relief being gigantic fans, with tendrils of soot hanging, up in the ceiling, which the proprietor would turn off, if you were sitting in a part of the theatre that was empty, perhaps to recoup the costs of projecting a flop. Using the restrooms was akin to descending into the nostril of the Devil, fumes of phenyl and the stench of urine forming a hellish potpourri of wet heat.

There was this time my friend bought last minute tickets to Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, which were the corner seats right next to the exit with the restroom, and I was more concerned with the provenance of the water that was snaking out from below the door than the romantic dilemmas on screen. Why didn’t I leave? That was the biggest problem. Once you paid good money to watch a movie, you couldn’t just walk out. This meant I watched Duplicate and Qaid Mein Hai Bulbul and so many movies I just shouldn’t have, wasting hours in my life I will never get back. Today I just would have pressed the Back button on my remote and navigated away to something else.

While the onset of multiplexes did improve basic hygiene, and brought bed-bug free seats (mostly), and a working air conditioner, it also led to the nightmare of over-priced concession stands. I have no problem paying to watch a movie, but I do have a problem with being charged thrice the maximum retail price for popcorn and soda. By the way, the guys who work at multiplexes should be given the job for doing security at airports, they are much more effective in ensuring that no one can smuggle in stuff from outside. And this maybe a function of getting old, but I have increasingly come to prefer watching movies alone, without some guy in the audience blurting out what’s going to happen next or to be distracted by someone’s phone screen glowing in front or by scraps of conversation from behind like “No darling, not there, please, let’s wait till we are married.” New releases on streaming, this is so much better. At least the only drama I get is what I paid for.