People of America, he’s got it

Welcome to the apocalypse, friends. It’s Rachel filling in for Tristan this week as he takes a much-needed break from . . . well, everything. For the record, I agreed to take over this week well over a month ago, and I didn’t exactly think too much about it until the Friday before Tristan left. That’s when I realized, “Aw crap, I’ve got the ‘Trump has COVID-19’ newsletter, don