Road to recovery starts with hope, says counsellor Raman Iyer

I started doing drugs when I was 16. This was in 1976. I stopped in 1987 and have been clean since then. I am a recovering addict. I had just finished school from a well-reputed educational institution in Bengaluru and there were ample opportunities to take my formal education and music studies overseas. But I lost those to my addiction.  In Class 9, I had suffered a lot of emotional trauma. It left me scarred. I had a drink of rum and Coke with friends and felt relieved from my pain. I was into music and it helped me cope with my failings.

 I was introduced to ‘downers’ and other drugs by my musician friends, which made me feel numb and euphoric depending on what substance I had used. Before I knew I was deep into my addiction. India was a haven to the hippie and ganja smoking ‘yogi’ culture in the mid and late 1970s and that had a tremendous impact on the youth.

Bengaluru had opium dens and we used to go there. They were patronised by the underworld. I used to earn money through music. Later, I even rented out a portion of my house to my friends. I used to buy drugs with the rent. ‘Chasing’ smack destroyed my rational thinking. I began losing my friends in the drug circle, some were arrested under the NDPS Act and incarcerated.

They died in prison. Some committed suicide. I felt lonely and realised that I had a problem. I was admitted to a drug recovery and rehabilitation centre for a month. I went back to drugs after being relieved from there. I tried again a couple of times through clinics. I wanted to stop and realised that I was using drugs against my willpower.

One night I dreamt that I had died. It was a wake-up call for me. There was no choice for me but to stop drugs. The road to recovery starts with hope. I had supportive parents and they helped me find a solution. I spent six months in a community of recovering addicts in the City and that changed my life. I stopped doing drugs in 1987 and have been clean since then. I owe it to the support from this community with whom I am in touch on a daily basis.

I am trained in counselling and psychotherapy. I am a saxophonist and travel the world with my music shows. I also organise recovery events and counsel recovering addicts. I have a daughter who I feel I have brought up like a responsible parent. I look after my aged mother. My father died happily in the knowledge that I was drug free. I have found a new way of life.

(As told to Bala Chauhan by Raman Iyer, well-known musician, recovering addict and counsellor)