Respected Madam/ Sir,

Friday night only this story started. Maybe time is 10 o’clock. Mrs. Mathrubootham is reading some novel and I am watching DVD of mega-blockbuster film Raise the Titanic. Have you seen? Amazing film. But I think in all of Madras only Mr. J. Mathrubootham has seen Raise the Titanic.

Suddenly Mrs. Mathrubootham came and said, old man, one bad news is there. I said, oh no what happened? She said, do you remember my one distant relative is there in Quilon? I said, yes Kamalam some vague memories are coming. He is retired employee of Indian Telephone Industries no? She said, correct. That fellow has passed away this morning. I said, oh my god what a tragedy.

Madam/ Sir, this Quilon fellow is distant relative cousin of cousin type. Means if he is dying we are very sad, but whether we will spend money and all and go for funeral? No chance.

I said, shall we put one phone call or telegram or something? She said, don’t worry, already I have spoken to family on phone. But that is not the main story. I said, then tell me main story Kamalam, they have just discovered the Titanic and mega thrilling moments are about to come. She calmly walked to DVD player and ejected DVD. All mega thrilling moments are finished.

She sat on sofa and said, you know Quilon is having two sons no? I said, Kamalam, I am not even remembering the man’s name? How I will know how many sons and how many bedrooms he has and Aadhar number and cholesterol reading and all? Just tell the story immediately.

Then Mrs. Mathrubootham said, ok he is having two sons. Elder fellow in U.S. Younger fellow in Ranchi or Nagpur or something. He is having house and property and two-three small other properties near Quilon. I said, Kamalam, if you are going to give lecture about how whole life I am working in public sector bank but no properties then please stop immediately.

She said, just shut up and listen for two minutes no? See, old man did not put will it seems. And body is not yet cold, but brothers are already fighting for property. Elder fellow is saying give me all properties. Younger fellow is saying you left family and went to U.S., property is mine. Gallatta in Quilon.

I said, ok Kamalam, nice story. What I can do? Should I intervene? Other people’s family matter and all no? She said, stupid man, immediately I want you to write will for yourself. If tomorrow something happens to you means like heart attack, car accident, falling from balcony, electrocution in the bathtub, fan falling on head, food poisoning, gas leak, or something, then you want me to see children fighting for our property?

I said, Kamalam, two questions. First one: How many years you have been planning my death Kamalam? Within two seconds you are telling 55 methods? Second question: Kamalam Kamalam Kamalam, what property is there to put in the will and all? This flat is there. Some FD is there and then some items in almirah. What else is there?

She said, then you make off one will in 10 minutes and give no? I said, fine.

Ten minutes later I put paper in front of Mrs. Mathrubootham and said, ok look all details are there. If anything happens to me all items are belonging to you. Now you make one will and then problem finished. She said, ok.

Then I said, Kamalam only one problem. What if you are going before I am going?

Madam/ Sir, she looked into my eyes and said, old man that will never happen. You will definitely go before me.

The blood in my veins has turned to ice, Madam/ Sir.

Yours in fearfulness,

J. Mathrubootham