Ladies and immatures, today we shall talk about fitness. Not the kind of fitness that starts religiously the world over at 5 am or so, when people aspire to best their best and explore new apogees. This isn’t the fitness that is practised silently with focus and dedication, and certainly not the one which is done as an exercise as much in physical toughening as in solitude and soul-searching. No, I am talking about the folks who call a 5k a marathon and have make-up stashed away in their gym kits. This, today, is about the people who think they have done the world a favour by waking up and taking a sedentary walk somewhat early in the morning and now must inspire the millions who didn’t even do that.
Before I launch, let me share that the idea for this piece was contributed by a friend who is a fit athlete currently dealing with a mid-life crisis (exacerbated by an inexplicable penchant for extremely colourful and flamboyant workout kits). He, let’s call him Tushar for no reason, told me about the MJ principle but before we go there, some background.
Today, social validation is such an important component of our (okay, your) daily lives that to go a day without it is like tea without scones. What? Too Marie Antoinette for you? How about food without salt? Right. Which is why people feel the need to copy-paste their humdrum existence online as long as it gets a thumbs up. In return, they reciprocate the gesture for their friends. It is a circle of pats on the back for having given a pat on the back.
Out of this sycophancy arises illusions of actual credibility leading the TikTok (and now Reels) generation to believe that they actually make a difference. Which then leads to endless posts which are a general mish-mash of half-hearted trundles around a park or a few rounds of crunches paired with an inspirational quote. Simply put, if you are posting about your excuses of a workout with words of inspiration that make a shopping catalogue seem like a literary oeuvre, then you are the problem. And if it is not you, chances are you know someone close who indulges in this behaviour.
Which is when you administer the MJ test and it goes like this. To paraphrase Tushar, “Before you post an activity with an inspirational message, ask yourself this: are you Michael Jordan? If no, then don’t post it. And if yes, then don’t post it as you have already inspired enough people for one lifetime.” In fact, if you are MJ, just the shoes modelled on the shoes that you once wore have inspired entire generations of people! The same test can be conducted with Nadia Comăneci, Mo Farah, Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps or Martina Navratilova as the lightning rod.
In fact, if you really can’t resist posting, allow me to introduce you to Strava. Post all you want there because chances are if you are sluggish and weak, you’ll want to keep it private. But at least you will be in a universe where people actually care about the metrics and data. Sure it will be a wake-up call, one that reminds of your insignificance in the scheme of things, but better an app than a rude social intervention one weekend.
This column is for anyone who gives an existential toss.