Sexual assault survivor who was brutally attacked in a pub toilet cubicle reveals why the COVID-19 crisis has brought horrific memories of her ordeal flooding back
- Sexual assault survivor struggling to wear face masks opens up about journey
- Kelsie Stewart has worked tirelessly to overcome her emotional wounds
- She was violently attacked in a pub toilet cubicle in Coffs Harbour in 2014
- Her attacker forcefully shut her mouth during ordeal, which left her traumatised
- Ms Stewart on Thursday celebrated reaching a mask wearing milestone online
A sexual assault survivor who has fought for six years to heal her emotional wounds has revealed how face masks bring horrific memories of her ordeal flooding back.
Kelsie Stewart was just 19 years old when she was violently attacked in a pub toilet cubicle in Coffs Harbour on the New South Wales north coast in August 2014.
'When I was assaulted my mouth was covered quite tightly and I kept begging for air and he wouldn't let me get it ... I felt like I was suffocating,' she told Daily Mail Australia.
The incident has forever changed Ms Stewart's life; she is 'always on alert', afraid of being alone at night and is unable to be open with men or engage in relationships.
But when the coronavirus crisis took hold and she was asked to put on a face mask, she was shocked to be transported back to her brutal encounter.
Kelsie Stewart (pictured), 25, was just 19 years old when she was violently assaulted in a Coffs Harbour pub toilet cubical in August 2014
'I think the sensation of something being over my mouth is somewhat of a trigger for me - that's when the thoughts and trauma resurfaces,' she said.
'The sensation is what really sets me off.'
Ms Stewart had a 'full-blown' panic attack outside her local COVID clinic in May when she was handed her very first mask to wear while waiting in line to be tested.
She has since worked tirelessly to overcome her fears one step at a time.
The 25-year-old has undergone exposure therapy, working toward a goal of being able to walk in and out of a supermarket while wearing a mask.
Ms Stewart (pictured) has panic attacks when she wears - or even sees - face masks. She tries to wear one for 30 seconds a day, gradually increasing the time she has it on
Her exercises include attempting to wear a face mask of her choice for 30 seconds each day and gradually increasing the time she has it on.
While it is a simple task for many, it is a major achievement for Ms Stewart, who hit a milestone of two minutes on Thursday.
'I took a few deep breaths before I moved it closer to my mouth and was just chanting in my mind: "I can breath, I can take this mask off anytime, it won't be on forever and I'm in control",' she said.
'I closed my eyes and had a timer on my phone, and just kept breathing through the whole thing.'
Ms Stewart shared her achievement with The Kindness Pandemic on Facebook.
Ms Stewart had a 'full-blown' panic attack outside her local COVID clinic in May. She is pictured at a beach in happier times
'Once confronted with the fear of wearing a mask, I knew I had to beat my trauma and be a part of helping keep the community safe,' she said.
'Today I was able to put the mask on for two minutes. I know that’s not long but it will just get better and better. I am committed and determined to beat this. A month ago I couldn’t even look at someone in a mask.'
Ms Stewart was inundated with support online.
'You're a brave and courageous lady. Keep taking those small steps. You will get there,' one said.
'It's taken a lot of small steps but you're an example of what can be done with courage like you have Kelsie. Congratulations on doing so well in these times and sharing your experience with us all,' another wrote under her post.
She shared her achievement with The Kindness Pandemic on Facebook (pictured) and was inundated with support. Her picture was shared with a poem Ms Stewart wrote for healing
Ms Stewart noted some Australians were quick to judge people who didn't wear a mask outside, particularly in Melbourne where they are mandatory under stage four lockdown.
'Be kind because you never know what someone's been through,' Ms Stewart said.
'If someone's not wearing a mask, don't automatically assume they're just doing it because they don't want to. They could actually have a genuine reason they find difficult vocalising.'
Ms Stewart's experience is shared by many sexual assault survivors, the Women's Safety NSW said.
The sensation of having her mouth covered is a trigger for Ms Stewart (pictured), and a stark reminder of the brutal encounter she had years ago
Chief executive Hayley Foster said in July self-isolation and wearing face masks sparked a resurgence of trauma.
She said many women had experienced anxiety but were too afraid to speak up.
'There is a stigma around it and women are often worried about being labelled as having a mental illness when they're having a normal trauma response,' she told the ABC.
'A lot of women have been feeling very judged and under pressure … it can be extremely distressing.'
Clinical psychologist Gordana Hol said masks could be particularly problematic for sexual assault survivors.
'Face masks are certainly a big issue because a number of people have been sexually assaulted while perpetrators were masked, or some clients were taken to be physically mistreated or killed,' she said.
Ms Stewart (pictured) said 'be kind because you never know what someone's been through'
Comments 0
Share what you think
No comments have so far been submitted. Why not be the first to send us your thoughts, or debate this issue live on our message boards.
