Steph & Dom solve your sex, love & life troubles: My husband still wants to go to Spain on holiday - I don't!
- Reader asked Steph and Dom for advice as her husband wants to go on holiday
- Steph said he needs to realise that a pandemic is bigger than his summer break
- Dom added it comes down to is how much risk couple are willing to take on
TV’s Steph and Dom Parker, 53 and 55, draw on their 22 years of marriage to solve your relationship problems . . .
Q: My husband and I are arguing about our holiday plans for this summer and I don't know what to do.
We booked our trip to Spain well before the virus hit and I assumed that, of course, we wouldn't fly abroad while it is still circulating. However, he has started talking non-stop about the trip.
I think it's madness to travel at our age — I'm in my 60s and he's higher risk, being over 70. But he gets very cross when I say this and tells me it's the only thing that's been keeping him going. He says it will be fine at the hotel — and says we could be out of pocket if we don't go.
Reader asked Steph and Dom for advice as her husband wants to go on holiday (pictured a beach in Spain)
But it's the journey by plane that worries me and I don't think I will be able to relax. He's always been the happy-go-lucky one, while I've been the practical one in our marriage.
He says he will go without me if I won't go. What should I do?
Share this article
STEPH SAYS: I can see this is an explosive issue and I understand why. I'm just sorry you're at loggerheads about it. Personally, this is not something I would take lightly.
I understand why your husband is being so stubborn. We are all desperate for this coronavirus nightmare to be over and he's clearly had his heart set on this holiday. As he says, it's been keeping him going.
But I'm afraid he has to get over his fury and recognise that this is bigger than a summer holiday, bigger than sangria and sand between the toes.
Fingers crossed, you may have the opportunity to travel again in the future but, if you risk it this time around, you may not.
We all have to look at the bigger picture at the moment. We must also think about other people, because the decision you make now doesn't just affect you, it affects the person you brush past in the street — or in the airport for that matter.
STEPH (left) SAYS : I can see this is an explosive issue and I understand why. I'm just sorry you're at loggerheads about it. Personally, this is not something I would take lightly.
But back to you as a couple. If you capitulated and said yes, and you went and wrapped yourself in bubble wrap and tried to be as safe as you could, you'd have a miserable time.
It will be a gruelling, anxious experience you'll want to get over with as quickly as possible. You won't be happy about being there — and he'll be grumpy because you're unhappy.
So my advice is, firstly, to get your flight tickets refunded. Then, I think you should be strong. Sit down and tell him you know he's disappointed and you understand; that you hear him and you've thought it all through. It's important for him to realise that you have truly considered his points and are respectful of them.
But … you are not prepared to let him go out of the front door to catch that plane because, if he does, you're worried he might not walk back in again. Is two weeks on the Costa del Sol really worth it? Be firm and tell him you are not going together — and he's not going on his own.
I might sound neurotic but no holiday is worth the risk. You are both more precious than the costs of lost flights.
I know restrictions have been lifted, but my advice is that you remind him that this is about protecting you both.
I know he's going to be disappointed but, as his wife, you are responsible for his health and happiness; and, as your husband, he is responsible for yours.
Remind him that you're doing this because you love him — and promise him that when you do have that holiday, you will raise a glass together and enjoy every last minute. Please stay home and stay safe!
DOM SAYS : What an interesting letter to receive. We are definitely living in strange times, aren't we? The virus has upended all of our lives and affected so many people — and, sadly, it's not over yet.
DOM SAYS: What an interesting letter to receive. We are definitely living in strange times, aren't we? The virus has upended all of our lives and affected so many people — and, sadly, it's not over yet.
I think we are all worried about a resurgence, which means that making plans is hard.
So I don't think you're being at all unreasonable by worrying about this.
As you say, your husband is clearly more happy-go-lucky than you, and that's absolutely fine, too. Many couples are going through something similar, when one is more relaxed than the other about venturing out.
Personally, I'm not quite ready to go back to the pub yet but, happily, Steph and I are pretty much on the same page.
I went out to a restaurant for the first time recently, which I found to be perfectly acceptable. But the worry is still there — and I think will still be there for a very long time.
All I can say is, what a shame your husband didn't make this easy for you and say: 'Stuff the holiday this year!' I really do wish that he had done — and I'm sure you do, too.
Now, I understand he would be fed up with having paid for his holiday and then not getting it. Has he looked into a refund?
I also understand he desperately wants to go away. I would love to be heading to a beach for two weeks of rest and relaxation after all the stress of lockdown. I've spent four and a half months doing nothing and I'm utterly exhausted!
But I also do understand your concerns, too. So, what I'd suggest you do is talk to your husband and figure out which parts of the holiday you're most worried about and try to work around it. The thing is, the whole world is still taking the pandemic very seriously, so it's not as if there won't be social distancing when you're away.
Of course, it depends on the kind of holiday you like to have, but, if it were me, that's lying by the pool (outdoors), interspersed with trips to the pool bar (again, outdoors). Maybe find out what the hotel's arrangements are for spacing out sunloungers and the like. I can understand you don't want to lie there in a mask.
If it's the flight you're worried about, then do some research with the airline. If you're still not comfortable, why not suggest you turn it into a romantic road trip and drive, instead?
What this comes down to is how much risk you and your husband are prepared to take. But, of course, when you live together, the risks taken by one are also taken by the other.
If you have a question you’d like Steph and Dom to tackle, write to: stephanddom@dailymail.co.uk
