As we hit the peak of the coronavirus pandemic, we are filled with a new anxiety, writes Mandy Wiener. 

We always knew that as we rode into the eye of the storm and the surge was upon us, it would not just be our physical health that was under attack. Our mental health would also come under threat.

Now, as death is all around us, our timelines full of condolences, it certainly feels as though our sanity is fraying at the edges. For some, it is far worse than just fraying. It is unravelling dramatically.

I imagine it manifests in different ways for different people. For some, it could be a deep depression. For others, it is unmanageable anxiety. Those who have lost the stability of employment and a regular income may be feeling it in a different way.

For me, it is the fear of not knowing if I have Covid-19 or not; if I am asymptomatic and, if I am, have I infected someone else and made them sick? I feel an enormous burden of safety for those who I come into contact with, especially my family.

Since numbers in Gauteng began to spike in the last couple of weeks, I have become even more militant about sanitising, wearing a mask and physical distancing. At the same time, I've been hyper vigilant about potential symptoms. It's at hypochondriac levels.

Every itch in my throat, every slight headache, every chilly shiver, every runny nose sends me over the edge. Could I have it but just have very mild symptoms? At the same time, I know that officials have urged us to save the tests for those in hospital and with serious conditions, but all sense of rationality has departed. Logic doesn't apply.

At the same time, I also worry about what my body's reaction will be when I do finally get Covid. Because we are all going to get it right? Will I be that rare case of a relatively young person with no comorbidities who reacts very badly and lands up on a ventilator? Or I will be like the bulk of my contemporaries who recover quickly, having suffered relatively light symptoms?

Doomscrolling

It's the not knowing that is driving me dilly. And I am not an anxious, hypochondriac type at all! This reminds of why terror attacks are labelled that – because it is the very threat of them that strikes terror and fear into our hearts. They make you scared. And this what is making this virus so powerful against so many – the threat that it poses to us and the fear associated with it. The prospect of death is an ominous one.

Like many other people I know, I find myself in the early hours of the morning 'Doomscrolling' as I obsess over this pandemic and its implications. You know you're all doing it.

Lying awake late at night or early in the morning, scrolling through your social media feeds, flipping from Twitter to Facebook to Instagram and back again as the posts fill you with dread and anger and anxiety. Or as Kevin Roose describes in the New York Times, "falling into deep, morbid rabbit holes filled with coronavirus content, agitating myself to the point of physical discomfort, erasing any hope of a good night's sleep".

We just can't look away for some reason. Scroll down, scroll down, feeding the insatiable beast.

But it's just so difficult to log off during this time of isolation. We are relying so heavily on technology and social media to feel a sense of belonging that a digital detox is not a realistic option, what with Zoom meetings and virtual social hangouts.

All the obsessing must be eroding our mental health.

We're on what has also been dubbed the Coronacoaster – what the Urban Dictionary defines as "the feeling of uncertainty, anxiety, and helplessness surveying news and information concerning humankind's possible demise from Covid-19".

Finding the silver lining 

One day you can wake up feeling enthusiastic about all the time you have on your hands, the opportunity to binge watch a new series or finish that project you've been working on, only to switch on the news and spiral into a vortex of miserable reports on mass graves being dug and person after person who has succumbed to the virus.

We have to prioritise our mental health as much as we are focusing on our physical health. When people are faced with the possibility of losing lives or loved ones but also their livelihoods, it can be a lot to grapple with.

Without diminishing the severity or gravity of the situation, we have to find ways to look for good news too.

I've made a point of trying to amplify some of the silver lining stories that have come across my desk. We need to find reasons to hope amidst all the depression and devastation. It's the only way to stay sane.

And if you, too, are irrationally convincing yourself that you have symptoms when in fact you don't and find yourself plumbing the depths of hypochondria, take a moment and breathe. Meditate. Pray. Talk about it. Phone your doctor. Stay sane. Isolate if you can. Go for a walk – but make sure you wear a mask and social distance when you do, just in case you're not being neurotic and you actually do have the virus.

 - Mandy Wiener is a journalist and an author, and is the host of The Midday Report on 702. Follow her on @MandyWiener.

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