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9 ways to be a better LGBTQ+ ally
Pride Month may be past us, but here’s your guide to being a year-round queer supporter
It’s July and most of the rainbow dust has settled: corporations have un-rainbowed their logos and dating platforms and social media have largely moved on to regular programming. For LGBTQ+ folx, though, Pride isn’t necessarily relegated to one month of the year. And while the symbolism of June as global Pride Month (commemorating the Stonewall Uprising of 1969, which ignited the spark of rebellion that eventually grew into today’s LGBTQ+ rights movement) isn’t lost and is to be celebrated and commemorated, it’s essential to realise that Pride does not function within the confines of a space or time—it is not limited to any one sphere and is as much the product of the inner workings of an individual as it is of their environment.
The world has come a long way, but there is still far to go. But like they say, change starts small, first with and within the individual, before it grows into a movement. Keeping that in mind, here are some ways in which you can continue to be a year-round LGBTQ+ ally.
Learning your LGBTQ+—well beyond these five letters
It’s important to know how someone identifies. Misidentifying someone is not ok. Understanding queer identities means understanding that there is plenty beyond the binary (man and woman) that you have been conditioned towards. It is therefore crucial to also understand the differences between gender and sexuality—the former is what you were assigned at birth, to which you might relate (cisgender) or you might not, while the latter is your physical, romantic or emotional attraction to another person. Schooling yourself on the spectrum of genders and sexualities is 101 when it comes to being an ally. Time to sign up for class. The Trevor Project has a good glossary to bookmark.
Using correct pronouns
Just as we learnt about he/him and she/her in school, the lexicon has diversified to embrace identities and binaries across the spectrum. It’s basic decency to know a person’s pronouns (and remember them) so that you don’t put your foot in your mouth. Want to know more? Read up on Glsen.org or settle down with a copy of A Quick & Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns, which illuminates via illustrated lessons.
Stopping phobic behaviour
Whether casual (throwaway comments or allusions to someone’s sexuality) or extreme (intolerance, abuse or violence, misgendering and/or deadnaming someone), if you see it happening, step up and set the person straight. You’re not a superhero for doing it, you’re just a good person.
Realising your privilege
If you’re reading this as someone who was born cis-het, you likely don’t understand the struggles most queer folx face on a daily basis (with homophobia, intolerance and bigotry being but the tip of the iceberg). To tie into the point above, being proactive and stepping up to show your support (turning up for the parade does not necessarily count) as opposed to merely voicing it in passing goes a long, long way.
Keeping an ‘open mind, open door’ policy
Don’t pay lip service. If you tell your queer friends they can lean on you, you have to mean it and you have to show up when the time comes. Many queer folx, even those who at present seem to have reached a point of self-actualisation and are comfortable within the space they choose to occupy, have at some point in their lives dealt with ridicule, alienation, even abandonment. Building trust, and allowing them to learn who they can count on, takes time.
Educating yourself
Sure, Call Me By Your Name was cinematic and Moonlight was moving, and Love, Simon was all the feels, but there’s plenty else to watch that doesn’t revolve around cis male storylines. Here’s a list of films across the spectrum to get up to speed with: Colette, Appropriate Behaviour, The Kids Are All Right, The Handmaiden, Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, Hedwig & The Angry Inch, and 52 Tuesdays, to name only a sparkling few.
Differentiating between Pride and the parade
Without taking away from the actual parade itself, Pride isn’t something that finds its identity in a street takeover. It’s the actualisation of a constant daily uphill battle for queer folx. If you’re going to participate in the festivities, it’s essential for you to understand and acknowledge that. The parade itself is the culmination of decades of struggle interspersed with hard-won victories. Without recognising that, you’re stripping Pride of its political roots and turning it into a picnic.
Understanding intersectionality
Most queer movements around the world have been dominated and led by upper-class cisgender gay men, who, admittedly, do take up a lot of space. Thankfully, things are changing and there are now plenty of diverse voices being given the spotlight. It’s happening here in India too, where projects such as the @queermuslimproject, @dalitqueerproject and @aravaniartproject, to name just three, seek to refocus a narrative that has long been shaped by caste and class and centred on forcing the queer narrative into a small and restrictive box.
Recognising and calling out pinkwashing
Finally, be mindful and aware of pinkwashing: the act of slapping a rainbow on to everything and hashtagging #LoveIsLove, particularly in June. Companies are famous for doing it, so when you see it, ask yourself: what is this entity doing for the other 11 months of the year? (Does it support queer rights? What benefits does it give its LGBTQ+ employees? And how does it cater to its non-heteronormative clientele?) Then decide if it’s worthy of your continued support or patronage. But it’s not just corporations; individuals do it too, allies included. Plenty of it is well-meaning, but the key is to understand the difference between exposure and appropriation. When allies pick and choose the tropes of queer life they wish to highlight, they often choose those that are most engaging to the public (positive imagery like rainbow flags flying in the sun, attractive queer cisgender people kissing...you get the picture) but what happens is that plenty of other stories don’t get told (those of nonbinary and genderqueer folx for one). Queer existence is not a new-age marketing tool or a sign of someone’s open-mindedness. It’s a person’s life, so don’t co-opt it. There’s a phrase: “Pass the mic.” It’s essential to learn how and when to do that, on an individual level as well as a larger one.
Also read:
LGBTQ+ Indians on navigating self-isolation, love and mental health in the time of the coronavirus
