'I lived, I really lived.' Naya Rivera dreamed of long life and more kids with ex-husband Ryan Dorsey, memoir reveals, as Glee star wrote she saw late co-star Cory Monteith break his sobriety and wasn't surprised about ex Mark Salling's child porn charge
- Naya Rivera dreamed of a long life with multiple children and grandchildren with her then-husband, actor Ryan Dorsey, her autobiography Sorry Not Sorry reveals
- She wrote in 2016: ‘Years from now, when I have all these kids and grandkids running around, I can sit back and think, ''Yeah, I lived. I really lived'''
- The book revealed how Rivera struggled with anorexia as a child and later with the trauma of a secret abortion
- She also wrote how she was hit hard by the death of her close friend and Glee co-star Cory Monteith from an accidental heroin overdose in July 2013
- The 33-year-old said she wasn’t surprised her ex-boyfriend and co-star Mark Salling had a dark, criminal side after he pleaded guilty to having child porn
- Salling committed suicide in January 2018
- Details from Rivera’s book have resurfaced in the wake of her presumed death on Wednesday at Lake Piru about 60 miles outside LA
- The actress apparently drowned on a boat trip with her four-year-old son Josey
Naya Rivera described herself as a 'f***ed-up kid', but dreamed of a long life with multiple children and grandchildren with her then-husband, actor Ryan Dorsey, her autobiography reveals.
‘Years from now, when I’m still married and Ryan and I have all these kids and grandkids running around, I can sit back and think, “Yeah, I lived. I really lived,”’ she wrote in her 2016 book, Sorry Not Sorry.
The book revealed how Rivera struggled with anorexia as a child and later with the trauma of a secret abortion, and was hit hard by the death of her close friend and Glee co-star Cory Monteith from an accidental heroin overdose in July 2013.
She describes how she wasn’t surprised her ex-boyfriend and co-star Mark Salling had a dark, criminal side after he pleaded guilty to possessing thousands of pornographic images of prepubescent minors. He committed suicide in January 2018.
Details from Rivera’s book have resurfaced in the wake of her presumed death on Wednesday at Lake Piru about 60 miles outside LA, when she apparently drowned on a boat trip with her four-year-old son Josey.
Naya Rivera described herself as a 'f***ed-up kid', but dreamed of a long life with multiple children and grandchildren with her then-husband, actor Ryan Dorsey, her autobiography reveals
Details from Rivera’s book have resurfaced in the wake of her presumed death on Wednesday at Lake Piru about 60 miles outside LA, when she apparently drowned on a boat trip with her four-year-old son Josey. A day after posting a tragic final Instagram (right) with her son which she captioned 'just the two of us'
Dorsey, the heartbroken ex-husband of Rivera, was seen for the first time comforting Josey on Thursday, just a day after the Glee actress vanished from a California lake where she’d been boating with the four-year-old
The California lake search for Rivera is now a recovery mission as it was revealed she'd been visiting the beauty spot for years and considered it her 'sanctuary', despite its reputation for rip currents.
Rivera’s memoir Sorry Not Sorry: Dreams, Mistakes, and Growing Up was described as being funny and deeply personal and details of Rivera's successes and missteps, where she urges young women to pursue their dreams and to refuse to let past mistakes define them.
She wrote that she and Monteith, who died in July 2013 from a heroin overdose, were like siblings, and that she saw him break his sobriety at a party after the cast wrapped season three of Glee.
Rivera’s memoir Sorry Not Sorry: Dreams, Mistakes, and Growing Up was described as being funny and deeply personal and details of Rivera's successes and missteps
‘When he decided to order a cocktail, it was the first time we had ever seen him drink,’ she wrote. ‘He explained that he wanted to be able to drink in moderation, that he could do it and be just like everybody else.
'He seemed calm and confident about it, so we all just accepted it. To be honest, I don’t think many of us really understood how addiction worked.’
Rivera said she was hit hard by the news of his death, delivered on the phone by a friend late one night.
But she got little sympathy from her then-fiancé, rapper Big Sean. ‘I shook Sean awake and told him that Cory had just died.
He just said, “Oh man, babe, I’m really sorry about that,” and rolled over and went back to sleep. I was crying, and kept coming in and out of the room as I went out into the hallway to make phone calls, and he never got out of bed or even so much as sat up and turned on the light,' she wrote.
Talking about her other former-costar Salling, she wrote she wasn’t surprised that her ex, who she saw on and off from 2009 for three years and pushed her to take drugs and cheated on her, also had a dark, criminal side.
‘I can’t say I was totally shocked, but still–WTF?’ she wrote in her 2016 memoir. ‘My son’s nanny actually told me about it when the story broke… Then I had no doubt that God really did have my back along the way.’
She wrote that she and Monteith, who died in July 2013 from a heroin overdose, were like siblings, and that she saw him break his sobriety at a party after the cast wrapped season three of Glee
Rivera wrote how she wasn’t surprised her ex-boyfriend and co-star Mark Salling (pictured in 2010) had a dark, criminal side after he pleaded guilty to possessing thousands of pornographic images of prepubescent minors. He committed suicide in January 2018
Rivera revealed that while on a brief break from when she previously dated Dorsey in 2010 she discovered she was pregnant with his child and had a secret abortion. She wrote that she was back on the Glee set the day after the abortion, despite continuing to bleed for the next two weeks. Pictured: Naya Rivera in Glee (left) with Heather Morris and Diana Agron in 2009
The couple split in 2012 when she discovered his infidelity and she poured dog food, Coca-Cola, eggs and birdseed on his car.
Rivera has had several turbulent relationships that led her family to worry about her mental health.
In spring 2014 she discovered on the internet that her planned marriage to Big Sean was cancelled after she accused him of stealing a Rolex he gave her.
His publicist released a statement saying the wedding was called off.
‘So I learned that I was no longer getting married from THE INTERNET, and at the same time as the rest of the world,’ Rivera wrote. ‘Not only were we no longer getting married, but apparently we weren’t even together anymore.’
Just three months later she was married to actor Ryan Dorsey, the father of her now four-year-old son.
The couple temporarily split in 2016 and she filed divorce papers which she later withdrew.
But months after getting back together, Rivera was arrested in November 2017 on suspicion of domestic battery, allegedly getting ‘physical’, ‘out of control’ and hitting Dorsey. He later asked for the charge to be dismissed.
After her arrest friends told E! News that her family urged her to seek mental health help.
Rivera was arrested in November 2017 on suspicion of domestic battery, allegedly getting ‘physical’, ‘out of control’ and hitting Dorsey. He later asked for the charge to be dismissed
she got little sympathy from her then-fiancé, rapper Big Sean (pictured in 2013). ‘I shook Sean awake and told him that Cory had just died. In spring 2014 she discovered on the internet that her planned marriage to Big Sean was cancelled after she accused him of stealing a Rolex he gave her. His publicist released a statement saying the wedding was called off
‘This is not the first time that their relationship has been violent, and the fact that she hit her husband and lashed out like that, is very scary to everyone around her,’ the friend said.
‘Many people close to Naya are urging her to seek immediate help for the sake of her son and herself.’
Rivera revealed that while on a brief break from when she previously dated Dorsey in 2010 she discovered she was pregnant with his child and had a secret abortion.
The actress wrote that afterwards she became addicted to MTV’s Teen Mom as a way to ‘punish’ herself for getting the procedure.
‘I was so jealous that they got to keep their kids,’ she wrote. ‘Watching it over and over was a way of punishing myself. “What’s wrong with you?” I’d ask myself.’
She said she struggled to get over the trauma of the event.
‘I don’t think I ever emotionally healed from the abortion, which is why it is so mind-blowing that some people think having an abortion is the carefree girl’s No. 1 choice to keep on partying,’ Rivera revealed in her book.
‘In reality, it is anything but an easy choice. In some ways, I think choosing to have an abortion is almost harder than choosing to have your child, because you make that choice knowing, or at least suspecting, that many moments of your life will now be tinged with regret.’
Rivera (pictured left as a child) said she struggled with her mental health even as a child, suffering from anorexia in high school. 'One day I just decided to see how long I could go without eating,' she wrote in her biography. She began fasting and became neurotic about exercise, secretly jogging on the spot to try to burn any calories she consumed
‘Years from now, when I’m still married and Ryan and I have all these kids and grandkids running around, I can sit back and think, “Yeah, I lived. I really lived,”’ she wrote in her 2016 book, Sorry Not Sorry
She wrote that she was back on the Glee set the day after the abortion, despite continuing to bleed for the next two weeks.
‘It was incredibly painful — your body is basically in labor with strong, frequent contractions. I was nauseous and kept going in and out of consciousness because of the pain,’ she wrote.
‘When I got up to work the next day, a little more than 12 hours after having a medical abortion, I had to put my cheer leading uniform back on and hope that the skimpy bloomers covered the giant pad I was wearing.’
Rivera said she struggled with her mental health even as a child, suffering from anorexia in high school.
'One day I just decided to see how long I could go without eating,' she wrote in her biography.
She began fasting and became neurotic about exercise, secretly jogging on the spot to try to burn any calories she consumed.
The 5’4” actress dropped to just 98 lbs and by her high school sophomore year she couldn’t even force herself to eat an apple.
She wrote that she bounced back after making friends with healthier body images.
