Tell me! What can I do?

It's no longer a question of Am I Next?

But rather, when am I next?

No amount of money, privilege, education, staying in doors will keep womxn safe.

What am I to do?

Tell me.

What can I do?

What can I do to stop the silent panic attacks, trying to remain calm as I walk past the man viciously cat calling me and hissing for "my attention"?

What can I do to ensure that when I get in the Uber to go home after groove, I'll get home "safely"?

What can I do to make sure the man I love will never beat me to a pulp in a fit of rage? 

We protest to be heard, marching for basic dignity. Naledi Phangindawo, Tshegofatso Pule, Altecia Kortjie, Raynecia, what were they to do?

The dust has settled now.

The quiet has returned.

Yet, we are still not safe.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I am beginning to wonder how it's going to happen to me.

Will I be gang-raped by a group of deranged beasts on my way to my car?

Will I be stabbed, cut into pieces like a cow emcimbini and dumped like waste in some veld by the man I said 'till death do us part' to?

Will I be stabbed multiple times and left for dead?

But I guess until you see us, until you feel the urgency of the situation, it will be business as usual, because if you didn't hear the screams and slaps, the abuse didn't happen, right?

The fear is debilitating. I'm actually not sure why I am writing this. What can I do? I guess, I still have hope that one day we will be safe and being womxn won't feel like punishment and a constant target on our backs.

Perhaps I should just be grateful to still be here and pray I will meet my Maker not as a result of a man who thought of me as nothing more than a piece off ass to own and do as he pleases with.

What can I do?

Tell me, what am I to do?

- Nomvelo Chalumbira