CHENNAI: The rhythmic beats of Parai, the intermittent bursting of crackers, the tens of men staging a frenzied dance ahead of a decorated chariot, the petals of showered across the path... all of it has ended. The Covid has not just stalled the celebration of life, but also the ‘celebration of death’. Rituals such as Saavu Koothu -- a unique slice of Tamil culture that has awed the world -- has given way to scientific burials.

While it’s a necessary precaution for rest of the society, this change in situation, that denies a proper final farewell for the dead, has left many families distraught. “They only let me see my husband from a distance of 150 metres,” says 36-year-old Jaya*. Her husband had died of Covid. “All I could see was a body wrapped in blue sheet.”

As if that was not enough, the lockdown has also denied them an opportunity to perform Kariyam. “We cannot conduct any rituals for him now because most family members are far away from Chennai. They cannot travel down here.” Jaya says it makes her feel powerless, not being able to honour her dead husband’s memory.

When 23-year-old Rahim’s maternal grandfather passed away on June 4, rest of the family was under institutional quarantine. “We did not know how to react. We suffered in silence. We could not even be there to mourn his loss,” says Rahim, who has not fully recovered from the episode yet. The fear of contracting the virus has also been keep relatives away, and this weighs heavily on the bereaved.

Psychologist Sahithya Raghu says many of her clients have faced similar issues. “In the case of one of my clients, just three immediate family members were left alone to grieve because the person had died of fever. It was not even Covid. But, none of their other family members, all of them who stay in the same city, turned up for the rituals.”

Grief, Sahithya says, requires human connection. “Relatives must be there, at least to offer a virtual shoulder to grieve on. Technology is the only solution in such circumstances.” Doctor Poorna Chandrika, director of the Institute of Mental Health says what makes this harder is that most of those who die of Covid spend their final days alone, in isolation. “This makes it hard to overcome the reality of the loss.”

When lockdown took over
Family members of patients dying of Covid are going through the toughest times as they are not allowed to perform the usual rituals nor are they allowed to see their loved ones closely