Feel like sunshine

Kimberly Dias

Dear Kimberly,

My friend’s sister passed away recently and it was so sudden and heartbreaking. Nobody can accept it as she was young and healthy. I have been feeling very uneasy since. My mind is racing with different thoughts, most of which are quite unpleasant. I feel very scared that I could lose my dear ones or that I could die too seeing how uncertain everything is. How should I tackle this? I do not like feeling this way and being scared all the time.

Jhanvi

Dear Jhanvi,

Thank you for your email and for sharing your unsettling situation and fears with me.

My deepest condolences to your friend. Losing a loved one is probably one of the hardest things to accept and cope with in life. The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said or never explained.

Death is inevitable and often the final goal of life. It is natural to try and imagine what you would do if you were in your friend’s shoes. No doubt it is a truly rattling thought but living in fear doesn’t stop death, it only stops life.

Life is a brief intermission between birth and death, enjoy it! I once read that the only people who fear death are the ones with regrets. Worry doesn’t drain tomorrow of its troubles, it just empties today of its strength. If you don’t like something, take away it’s only power – your attention! Focus on life and making the most of it. Take each day as it comes and make the best of it! Love truly, forgive quickly, laugh uncontrollably, pray often, take risks, make a difference and never regret anything in life!

Each day you wake up is a gift, hence it’s called the present – it gives you a chance to make beautiful memories. Should the tough time come when you do lose a loved one, these memories are the best things to fill the void they often leave in our hearts and lives. Should the time for you to move on arrive, you should go leaving no room for regrets. Till then, think less and live more!

All the best.

Kimberly

Hi Kimberly,

I got to know that my girlfriend cheated on me. We have been dating for some time and we loved each other very much. I tried confronting her but ended up with all mixed feelings. She said sorry but I don’t know if I can or should trust her again. I keep wondering why she did it and if I should forgive her… Can you please suggest what to do?

Yogi

Dear Yogi,

Thank you for writing in and discussing your predicament with me. Being cheated on must have been a really tough and disappointing experience for you to deal with. Nobody deserves to feel that way.

Being single is so much better than being lied to, cheated on and disrespected. I guess in a way, it is tough times like these that make us stronger and smarter individuals.

Your ex-girlfriend probably realised that by cheating on someone who loved her, she actually cheated herself out of true loyalty. If she really loved you, being faithful would’ve been easy. However, this isn’t about you but about her. The crux of the matter is that cheating is a choice and a completely unacceptable one too.

Be a good enough person to forgive but not naive enough to trust her again. Trust is like glass. Once it is broken, it can’t always be repaired, sometimes it just needs to be replaced. Yogi, the fact that you are questioning yourself if you should trust her again means that you already know you will be unable to, else it would be very a clear walk towards her. Do not be someone’s back up plan or second choice. Never settle for anything less than what you truly deserve. Once you realise you are deserve better, letting go will be the best decision ever! I hope you get all the wonderful things life has to offer you. Be patient, good things await you. All the best.

Kimberly

If life were predictable, it would cease to be life and be without flavour. Dream as if you will live forever and live as if you will die today. Surround yourself with people who make you feel like sunshine.

Do keep writing in with any queries you may have at ask.kimberly@yahoo.com.

Until next time, stay safe and do things that make you happy!

(The columnist is psychologist and counsellor, currently working as a school counsellor.)