The killing of George Floyd has forced the United States to hold up a mirror very closely. Whereas the impact has been felt around the world, I believe that each country, city and neighbourhood needs to do the same, writes Howard Feldman.
We were sitting around our dinner table in the suburbs of New York discussing the then current issues of the day.
It was the year 2000 and we had been living in the US for some months following a business opportunity. We would return to South Africa a year later.
Our guests were all New Yorkers with a smattering of "out-of-towners" which was the term used for anyone who was not fortunate enough to have been born and educated in the boroughs of the city.
They would struggle with not fitting in for the rest of their New York lives, but would live in the hope that they would spare their children the same struggle and indignity.
The neighborhood was predominantly white, as were our guests.
My wife, a little more practical than me, realised the importance of making friends and urged me to be on my best behavior. It was a big ask. On the most part I managed until, someone, in their quest to find out more about our country of origin, posed the following question:
Silence. I had no idea what to say. The question had been asked by a highly respected accountant in the city. He was not an uneducated person.
He was not even an "out-of-towner".
My wife looked across the table at me in horror. I think she was more worried about what I was going to say next than at the ignorance of the question.
I knew that we needed friends, and that our children were at the same school as theirs, but surely there were limits?
I also knew that the fight after the guests left would not be worth it and so instead, like a bit of a wimp, I ignored the question and offered more wine.
I have been thinking of suitable responses since then.
The non-event took place in 2000 but I have never forgotten it. The experience of living in the suburbs of New York for that year opened my eyes to significant differences in behavior and approach.
I realised, not only that day, but through multiple interactions with the people around us in New York back then, that the South Africans have a sensitivity to careless and nonchalant racist behavior.
The casual racism that I noted that year was more than I had ever witnessed in South Africa.
South Africans have lived through and suffered through what occurs when racism is allowed to determine the trajectory. In some ways apartheid is the "natural" consequence of unchecked prejudice.
My experience might well have reflected a narrow band of representatives that reflected more on the specific neighborhood than others in the city and in New York itself, but it was fascinating to me nevertheless.
I have subsequently been told that the area that we lived in, at that time anyway, was a poor example of the city.
And that we continue to have. We might still be a distance away from achieving real racial equality, but we are sensitive and engaged in the process.
The killing of George Floyd has forced the US to hold up a mirror very closely. Whereas the impact has been felt around the world, I believe that each country, city and neighborhood needs to do the same.
The reflection will differ depending on who is holding it and where it is being held.
We need to do the same and focus on what we are reflecting back, not on what other countries are seeing.
- Howard Feldman is a keynote speaker and analyst. He is the author of three books and is the morning talk show host on ChaiFM.