Piyush Gugale, and his wife, Neha, were blessed with a baby boy on April 23. However, Piyush, doing his DNB at a hospital in Pune, has not yet been able to cuddle his son and be with Neha, both of whom are otherwise doing well some 130 km away in Ahmednagar, Maharashtra. “Inter-district travel is out of the question now. Moreover, given the risk of Coronavirus exposure, I don’t want to take a chance though the choice is so hard,” says the young father.
Anant Mehra and Shubhra Mittal from New Delhi welcomed their first child, Mira Achala Mehra, in February. They heave a sigh of relief over finally putting behind the sheer “dread” of being in a hospital. “But the uncertainties didn’t end there. I realised that some baby products that were in fact essential for us were not categorised as essential items, rendering it difficult to procure,” he says.
Down further south in Thiruvananthapuram in Kerala, software engineer Praveen L R recollects how he had to plead with the police to let him go when he was out on his motorbike during the lockdown. “While my wife, Sheryl, was still in the hospital, I often had to travel home and back to bring food and other essentials,” he says. The couple has been blessed with a girl.
A child playing its parents at a beach | Photo Credit: Shaju John
Parents fear
It’s easy to imagine how hard the COVID-19 pandemic has impacted the “welcoming plans” of many new parents and expectant couples, but some feel tougher times are only ahead. Bringing a child into a world beset by unprecedented strictures is hard enough; the anxiety, fear and doubt about raising them up in a post-COVID-19 world, make it harder still.
“The top priority, of course, is health and safety. Then it’s about helping them build good immunity,” says Abirami Thiagarajan from a family of industrialists in Madurai who recently welcomed her second child, a girl. “My (elder) son will soon turn two. I feel there will be a lot of restrictions, especially on travel, in the coming months, if not a few years. This may have a negative impact on the emotional and intellectual growth of children,” she says.
Anant, who runs an online design brand Krita and Penna (meaning ‘chalk and pencil’ in Swedish), talks about “multi-pronged stressors” young parents face today. “As a parent, questions of stability and sustainability as a self-employed person concern me now, though I prefer to stay optimistic and take things one at a time. For instance, since the lockdown, our domestic help stopped coming. So we have to take care of our baby and get all the household chores done as well, in addition to ensuring the business is kept afloat. Multi-tasking is inevitable. Also, with the ongoing pandemic, there just can’t be any let-up about cleanliness and hygiene,” says Anant, who has been posting quirky anecdotal cartoons on social media on parenting.
A cartoon by Anant Mehra | Photo Credit: Special Arrangement
With the economy in a tailspin, pay cuts, lay-offs and retrenchments hound many young parents, casting a shadow on the family’s aspirations and “plans” for their kids. Sravani Vinod from Chennai, who recently had another boy, explains the differing circumstances the family welcomed the two kids. “The COVID-19 situation was unexpected. I’m a homemaker and my husband, Vinod Reddy, runs a lorry transportation service, which has greatly suffered due to the lockdown. Financial insecurity apart, right now, we are more concerned about hospital visits we may have to make. You never know,” she says.
Some reassurance
Psychologists advise parents to stay cautious and careful, rather than being anxious and panicky. “The ideal thing is to continue having a healthy life and lifestyle within the four walls of the home. One way of helping kids get used to certain realities is by slowly integrating preparedness into the set of values,” he says. “Anxiety may only make parents more edgy, inadvertently driving them in incorrect directions, like being overprotective or turning into helicopter parents. This may create a vicious cycle of anxiety,” says Dr Deepak Gupta, Child Psychiatrist, Centre for Child and Adolescent Well Being, Delhi.
It is in such times that the mutual support of partners is paramount, especially in nuclear families that may lack a support system. “Be there for each other and try not to let stress and frustration crack you up. Make expressions of affection, appreciation, kindness, and warmth a part of life,” he explains, pointing out the importance of developing a certain “mental immunity” as well.
A good way of battling the stress of multi-tasking as a parent is to “adapt”, aided by careful planning. “In having to navigate by multi-tasking through hectic schedules at the pace of technology, some may lose their emotional anchors. It helps to schedule reminders to briefly tune in to one’s own rhythm — our breath, our heartbeat and even to the rhythm of nature. These can help us modify our pace and stay emotionally stable. Then, physical exercises and practices such as yoga and meditation are also helpful,” says Dr M Nithya Poornima, Assistant Professor, Department of Clinical Psychology, National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS), Bengaluru.
A cartoon by Anant Mehra | Photo Credit: Special Arrangement
She adds that it also helps to understand that perhaps what’s “normal” is also changing. “Acknowledgement and acceptance of the new normal can help parents decide what is essential now and how that can be accomplished effectively. Focussing on the essentials and differentiating them from the optional helps consider obligations and options with an open mind and less worry and fear, particularly with sudden financial insecurities,” says Dr Poornima.
Ironic but one notable “positive” of the pandemic is a drop in air pollution levels worldwide, though it’s certain to bounce back once the old ways resume, and may only get worse in the scramble to make up for the losses. This weighs in the minds of many parents, especially those residing in cities prone to the more immediate effects of pollution.
“Environmental pollutants and toxins are scientifically proven to have an impact on the cognitive development of children though more in-depth research is on,” says Dr Gupta. He suggests some precautions on an individual level, such as adopting an eco-friendly lifestyle as possible. Minimising plastic at home, eating home-cooked food, spending more time together rather than on individual screens, are things we have control over.