How do sex scenes on film actually work?

In the second episode of the BBC/Hulu TV adaptation of Sally Rooney’s Normal People, there’s a six-minute sex scene between its two central characters. It shows Marianne (Daisy Edgar-Jones) losing her virginity to Connell (Paul Mescal), a classmate with whom she is having a secret affair. Unflinchingly intimate and emotionally raw, it’s a moment that captures both their vulnerability and their longing as the relationship deepens. Credit is due to the two actors and to the series’ directors Lenny Abrahamson and Hettie Macdonald, but also to Ita O’Brien, the intimacy coordinator who choreographed every kiss, touch and sexually charged exchange in the show.

Having worked as a dancer, actor and movement director for over a decade, O’Brien began developing best practice for intimate scenes, sexual content and nudity across film, TV and theatre six years ago. “I started looking at how we can keep actors safe and what we need to put in place to help them enter into the work and also leave at the end of the day in a good place,” she says. Her role, she adds, is akin to that of a stunt coordinator, encompassing risk assessments, rehearsals and on-set supervision to ensure performers have a clear structure within which to experiment.

As the show’s popularity soars—it has already been watched 16.2m times on BBC iPlayer—we spoke to O’Brien via Zoom to discuss planning productions around menstrual cycles, workshops that look at animal mating rituals and how intimacy coordinators are changing the industry.

Sex is an integral part of Sally Rooney’s novel. How did you bring that intimacy to the screen?

“It’s always about serving the storytelling and after reading the novel, I could see that we were being brought into the characters’ internal psychology through those intimate moments. Marianne and Connell are so beautiful together and very different as people compared to how they present themselves to the outside world when they’re with their friends. So I thought, if the show is going to honour that, then the intimate content has to be inherent to the story. Plus, there’s a lot of it!”

Is every single moment choreographed or is there room for experimentation?

“We start with the script and colour-code it—her moves are highlighted in pink, his in green, and yellow is for what they do together. So, for example, in one scene the script says: ‘She kisses him. The kiss deepens. He moves his hand down her body. She pushes up towards him.’ So we break that down and think about all those beats. Then we translate that into choreography, but without imposing on the actors. In rehearsals, I’ll be watching to make sure there is clarity, agreement and consent when it comes to touch. That brings a degree of ease because the actors know what’s happening and then they can bring their own impulses and idiosyncrasies to the performance.”

How does your work change once you go on set?

“I check in with the director and actors the day before they film an intimate scene, so they have an opportunity to talk to me about anything they’re concerned about. Before we go on set, I’ll always go and say hello to them in their trailer and just see how they’re feeling. They might say they’re totally fine, or they might be tired that day. It’s good to be aware of stuff like that. Sometimes I say to productions, if you can, try to find out your female actor’s menstrual cycle and organise the filming so that they’re not menstruating at that time. There needs to be open communication.”

What conversations did you have with Daisy and Paul as you guided them through those scenes?

“Actors want to give their best. They want to say yes, but we had to create an atmosphere where they didn’t just say yes because they felt like they needed to. Lenny [Abrahamson] had discussions with them. Everyone had the novel so they knew what was required, but were they happy with it? In my first meeting with Daisy and Paul, during the rehearsal period, I gave a presentation and showed them our intimacy guidelines. Then we worked on a scene that felt like a body dance. When we were done, they left knowing that everything would be handled in a professional way.”

Were there things they didn’t want to do?

“There’s a scene when they first get back together in Marianne’s house in Dublin, and we were sketching out what body parts could be in play. I asked, ‘Is this OK? Is that OK?’, and the response was ‘yes’ for some and ‘no’ for others. It’s so important to know what is out of bounds. Your ‘no’ is a gift to everybody. It allows us to work freely and know that your ‘yes’ is really a ‘yes’.”

What sex scenes were the most difficult to execute?

“Daisy and Paul had such a beautiful connection that it was always really interesting when the characters of Marianne and Connell had sex with other people [laughs]. By the time we got to the end of the shoot, Daisy and Paul had an understanding. But with someone new, you had to figure out the process and how it was all going to work. It wasn’t difficult, just different.”

Marianne also experiments with BDSM and submissive sex. How did you approach that?

“Hettie [Macdonald] was clear that she wanted it to be about two consenting adults in that play of fetish. There is bondage and some degree of violence, but there’s also a moment when the game stops. Hettie wanted those scenes to be about Marianne showing how she feels about herself.”

Some of the sex scenes are also very sexy. Does that help to remove the preconception that rehearsed choreography will take away from the chemistry and spontaneity of the moment?

“When you have a structure, the actor can be free within that. Now, I hope people will understand more clearly what an intimacy coordinator does. In the end, it makes for better intimate content.”

You’ve also worked on Netflix’s Sex Education, HBO’s Watchmen and BBC/HBO’s Gentleman Jack. How does your practice differ from project to project?

“You have to think about the genre, whether comedy or drama, and then about the writing. On Gentleman Jack, that was about serving Sally Wainwright’s work and [industrialist] Anne Lister’s diaries. Then, on Sex Education, we had an initial workshop with the cast where we looked at animal rhythms [in mating rituals]. It’s a tool through which we can detail the intimate content and create movements that are right for the character. It takes the actor away from their personal intimate expression, separating the private body from the professional.”

Have #MeToo and Time’s Up really changed the industry’s approach to intimate scenes?

“People had always spoken about why sex scenes were difficult to do but before #MeToo, it didn’t seem like there could be a shift because the industry appeared to tolerate predatory behaviour. But those movements meant people couldn’t turn a blind eye. I remember being on a production after that in 2018 where a meeting began with the producers reading out their codes of conduct. That was huge! Having said that, there are also productions that call me in and don’t want to put the work in place. I had a producer once tell me to check in with the actors, get the nudity waivers ready and then, on set, just stand back and do nothing. Those days are challenging.”

You’ve developed Intimacy on Set guidelines. Could they soon be adopted globally?

“I presented the intimacy guidelines at a Time’s Up UK meeting and it was endorsed by Women in Film & Television. Gradually, different bodies have also created their own guidelines, including Time’s Up in the US and Directors UK. I was a consultant on both. It’s filtering around the world and our intention is that it becomes legislation. It should be a prerequisite that in a production, just as they do with a stunt or dance sequence, the intimate content is identified on the first read and guidelines put in place. If there’s simulated sexual content, an intimacy coordinator should be employed. It shouldn’t be left to the discretion of each production—it should be standard.”

Normal People is streaming now on BBC Three and Hulu

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7 shows on Netflix that are stripping the cultural taboo around sex