End in sight

As countries around the world took drastic measures to close borders in a desperate attempt to shut out covid19, many Trinidadians living abroad struggled to return home. IJANAYA JACOB-BROWN, who lives in Africa, tells the story of her journey home and her experiences in self-quarantine in a four-part series. This is her final instalment.

The end of my self-quarantine in sight. I feel nervous, because I still have two more days, and tests show people can still show symptoms; excited because my horizons will expand when I can get out of this room; and worried, because there is still so much unknown about how life will look like in the future.

I have learned to get through quarantine, you have to keep yourself constantly busy. For me, it was doing my library work, reading and talking to friends. I tried not to look at too much covid19 news because it is so depressing.

My tip for people who are struggling to stay inside their homes as Government ordered is to think of the end result, and think about what you want your world to look like in a few months. If we all follow the advice of the people who are trained and qualified to guide us, this will all be over sooner. If we don’t, it’s evident what’s going to happen.

The virus needs people to thrive. I don’t know why people aren’t getting that. Even though it is near the end of my self-quarantine, I am worried about those who might be exposing others. It’s frustrating that there are people who are still trivialising this. It shows a lack of humanity I did not expect from people. It’s difficult to understand why they don’t get what’s going on.

I talk to friends on both sides of the world. Some are taking it seriously because of where they are and they don’t have a choice, but there are still people who are not taking it seriously at all, based on where they are geographically and what the data is showing – the data that might not be accurate, given the country. I realise now how important it is to look at the data from outside where you are living.

As time went on, I kept reflecting on how serious this is. It wasn’t resonating with me until I got out of Africa. Now that I am near the end of my self-quarantine, I feel a little angry with myself and others who were not taking this seriously in the beginning. We should have been looking more about what was happening in the rest of the world and what the experts were saying.

At least now I feel like a responsible citizen for taking this seriously. I thought if there is anything I can do to keep myself and others safe, it’s my duty. Some people are asked to go to war and fight for their country. All I was asked to do is stay inside. That is changing social behaviour, and as hard as that is, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

I feel excited that in two days I can do something so mundane as go to the grocery. I’m excited not to feel like a pariah or like a walking disease, but I am also worried that even that will expose me again.

Sitting here, I constantly think I want to do more to help. I wish I had a sewing machine so I could make masks. Being able to sew and create masks for healthcare professionals would make me feel I was contributing.

Staying in a room by yourself most of the day is frustrating, but talking to others and hearing their experiences with covid19 around the world gave me strength and helped me cope with my experiences. If other people are coping with fear and discomfort – have babies, being separated from their spouses – why can’t I?

It is important to stay in touch with people and many of us have the technological tools to do that.

I have learned above all that material things are not important. Sitting here with the bare minimum and my bags lost in Africa, I realise how little I need to exist.

Mortality comes to mind a lot. You start to put things into perspective. This disease will end up not as the survival of the fittest, but survival of the smartest. You have to be mentally capable of understanding the repercussions of your actions. Unfortunately, those who don’t have that mental capacity will expose others, and that is what is sad about this disease that relies on contact with people.

Sitting here in this room, I realise we are now in charge of how this world will look in the future. I wonder what travel will look like? What will humanity look like? What will socialising mean, and what do jobs look like after this? Will we be more compassionate? Will we learn our lessons?

In many ways, there are more questions than answers as we face an uncertain future.

Despite social distancing, I feel closer to people, and I hope we will all understand how we share the world’s problems.