Married At First Sight recap: A little toilet tooth can't rain on Hayley's parade as ALEX MICHAEL reveals who's here for love and who's here for likes
With a cast this untrustworthy, working out who's on Married At First Sight for love and who's just here for likes is a matter of reading between the lines.
Luckily, the only blurred lines at Sunday's commitment ceremony were the ones used to censor all the nip slips.
So can the L-word thaw out the Ice King's frozen-faced Queen? Will Natasha find a spare 10 seconds on her social calendar? And are there any breath mints strong enough to mask the s**t coming out of Hayley's mouth?
Commitment ceremony #3: Can the L-word thaw out the Ice King's frozen-faced Queen? Will Natasha find a spare 10 seconds on her social calendar? And are there any breath mints strong enough to mask the s**t coming out of Hayley's mouth? Let's find out
Mishel and Steve
Old dogs, new tricks: Last week, adrenaline junkie Mishel had an alphabetised list of complaints about Steve. This week, there was a new issue
Last week, adrenaline junkie Mishel had an alphabetised list of complaints about Steve.
Share this article
'I'm not ready to check into the retirement home yet!' she said.
'Steve's idea of "thrills" is going to a popular restaurant at 6pm on a Friday, sans reservation, and asking if they have any standing room for a couple of sexy seniors.'
New problem: 'We're like an old married couple that have been together for years but haven't had sex in three months,' Mishel complained
This week, Mishel only had one problem.
Mishel: 'We're like an old married couple that have been together for years but haven't had sex in three months.'
Steve: 'Well, you're always moaning so it's hard to tell the difference!'
Give me a break: 'Well, you're always moaning so it's hard to tell the difference!' Steve argued
John: 'Guys, personal space and consent works in the outside world, but not here. Steve, whip those hemp pants off and give Mishel something else to whine about!'
Steve: 'I didn't sign up for this! I signed up to fill a much-needed niche in the Instagram influencer market for seniors. Adult nappies aren't going to sell themselves, you know!'
Everyone: 'Did he say "sell" or "soil?"'
LOL wrong show! 'Guys, personal space and consent works in the outside world, but not here. Steve, whip those hemp pants off and give Mishel something else to whine about!' John said
John: 'This isn't about sex, Steve. There's a lot of ways you can have "non-sexual touch".'
Mishel: 'Ooh, the touching sounds nice!'
Decision: STAY
In it for the long haul: Steve thought to himself, 'Come on, mate, just a few more weeks of faking it and you'll be up to your neck in adult nappy sponsorships!' Couple's decision: STAY
Natasha and Mikey
The look of loathe: Last week, Natasha (via a rep from Bondi Sands) forced Mikey to stay. This week, John wanted to know if they'd managed to find a solution to their marriage problem
The love between these two fizzled out faster than their 10-second sexual encounter. Last week, Natasha (via a rep from Bondi Sands) forced Mikey to stay.
John: 'So, did you guys manage to find a solution to your marriage problem?'
Mikey: 'John, you'll be pleased to know I've got a whole bottle full of little blue solutions due to arrive any day now, pending any customs hiccups.'
Bitter pill to swallow: Mikey announced, 'John, you'll be pleased to know I've got a whole bottle full of little blue solutions due to arrive any day now, pending any customs hiccups!'
John: 'I'm not talking about your penis, you idiot, I'm talking about your lack of chemistry!'
Mikey: 'Oh, right. Yeah nah, I'm Mentos and she's Diet Coke.'
Decision: LEAVE
Not that problem! John replied, 'I'm not talking about your penis, you idiot, I'm talking about your chemistry!'
In that case... 'Oh, right. Yeah nah, I'm Mentos and she's Diet Coke.' Decision: LEAVE
Cathy and Josh
Honeymoon phase: 'Once the three-week sex bender was done an' that, I realised that I'd have to, like, talk to her and s**t,' Josh admitted
John: 'Things were going so well, but you seem to have slowed down. What's going on?'
Josh: 'Once the three-week sex bender was done an' that, I realised that I'd have to, like, talk to her and s**t.'
Cathy: 'It's odd. Ever since he started isolating himself from me, we've started getting all these credit card bills from Discreet Payment Services Inc.'
You've changed: 'It's odd. Ever since he started isolating himself from me, we've started getting all these credit card bills from Discreet Payment Services Inc,' Cathy explained
Josh: 'Babe, I already told you! I'm running an illegal clothing business from the basement and the moaning and grunting is coming from my underpaid work force!'
Nice save, Josh, nice save.
Decision: STAY
Nice save, Josh! 'Babe, I already told you! I'm running an illegal clothing business from the basement and the moaning and grunting is coming from my underpaid work force!' Josh explained. Decision: STAY
Hayley and David
In case you've been sleeping under a rock, here's what happened last week. Hayley cheated on David with Michael, who 'doesn't remember anything'. So, being the rational bloke he is, David got revenge by cleaning the toilet with Hayley's toothbrush and putting it back in its holder
In case you've been sleeping under a rock, here's what happened last week.
Hayley cheated on David with Michael, who 'doesn't remember it happening'. So, being the rational hobby farmer he is, David got revenge by cleaning the toilet with Hayley's toothbrush and putting it back in its holder.
David: 'There's so much s**t that comes out of her mouth anyways, I didn't think she'd notice!'
What's your excuse? 'There's so much s**t that comes out of her mouth anyways, I didn't think she'd notice!' David explained
John: 'Well she only noticed it after you uploaded it to the show's WhatsApp group and tagged her. So are you staying or going?'
Hayley: 'Well, as you know, David and I like it rough - I like it when he pulls my hair. Admittedly the s**t on the toothbrush move is a new one for me, but I dig it.'
David: 'I'm an Instagram celebrity... GET ME OUT OF HERE!'
In fairness: 'Well she only noticed it after you uploaded it to the show's WhatsApp group and tagged her. So are you staying or going?' David: LEAVE. Hayley: STAY
John: 'Well, guys, I'm as shocked as you. But I'm now being told that you actually can do something messed up enough to be kicked off this show. Hand in your torches, the tribe has spoken.'
Everybody: 'Um, what?'
John: 'Whoops, sorry! Let's just say the Channel Nine Contracts tribe has "spoken" and I've been trying to broaden my skill set. Anyways, get out you two.'
See ya! It turns out you can't psychologically torture someone just for s**ts and giggles, so Hayley and David were sent packing
