Decoding gender fluidity with sculptor and drag artist, Durga Gawde

By Shahnaz Siganporia17 September 2019

"I can see my physical form very clearly, but my perception of my physical body in the mirror is always something different. There was something else going on there and I felt that I was seeing through it, through it and into me,” they reveal

Durga Gawde walks in for Vogue India’s September 2019 photoshoot wearing a skater dress with towering heels, and a bright green close-cropped hairstyle. Some binding, shoulder-padding and a few masterstrokes of contouring later, and they’ve (Gawde’s preferred pronoun) slipped into an Indigo Gucci suit and seamlessly shape shifted into drag king, Shakti. There are no binaries here; with Gawde and Shakti, gender is fluid, transformational and most of all, empowering. Gawde was introduced to drag as a teenager, in 2009 at the Venice Biennale when they witnessed Nikhil Chopra’s 48-hour durational performance. “This heterosexual Indian man transformed from this super hairy masculine figure to a host of characters until he was this beautiful Victorian goddess-like lady. He did not jump from man to woman, he just kept changing. That’s where I first saw, not a drag queen or king, but a person using drag to mess with gender and identity,” they say. That moment stayed with Gawde, and years later would inspire them to become India’s first performing drag king.

This came after overcoming a long battle with depression though, and struggle to articulate their identity until Gawde came out. They explain, “I finished high school and hadn’t come out. I thought I was bisexual [when I was a kid], as it was the only word that was available to me at that time. I knew I was attracted to girls and boys, but then after a while I started realising that I really wanted to understand what it feels to be seen for me. No matter who I was with as my partner, I always felt like there was something that was being suppressed. I could not understand it. I just always thought I was bad at relationships or bad at this or that. But it wasn’t any of that.” For Gawde, it was about finding the right way to articulate not just their sexuality, but their gender and identity. “Since I was a four-year-old, every time I looked in the mirror, I saw and perceived something different. I could still see my physical body in the mirror; I’m a sculptor and understand what light, shadow and form is. I can see my physical form very clearly, but my perception of my physical body in the mirror is always something different. There was something else going on there and I felt that I was seeing through it, through it and into me.”

But it was only much later on when Gawde went to study at the Rhode Island School of Design that they found a way to not just articulate, but also understand their identity. “I made a lot of friends there, and a few of my friends were queer, obviously a lot of them were also trans, and they would talk about what they’re going through, their transition, etc. I could relate to a lot of it, but I couldn’t relate to the finality of their decision. I could relate to the discomfort, the constant discomfort you feel in your body. As a child I wore girl and boy clothes; I practiced fluidity without even realising it. But after puberty, you get these two lumps and suddenly, I had long hair and was dressing super feminine. For about ten years I used to look in the mirror and could not recognise me. I cut my hair when I was 21,” they say. It was during their years at art school where Gawde found the language and came out as gender fluid. This was two years ago.

Over the past two years, the sculptor and artist has become one of the most vocal advocates of gender fluidity in India. Along with writing about their experiences, Gawde also challenges the status quo constantly, and is unafraid in their advocacy to promote awareness of gender fluidity, so another kid doesn’t have to take 24 years to figure it out. But Gawde is aware that the battle is long and hard, so as their drag avatar Shakti, Gawde educates even as they entertain.

Shakti is a pelvic-thrusting, moves-like-Jagger-styled drag king. At their first performance, Gawde wore their father’s suit, but are now looking at getting their own wardrobe. Their performances at Kitty Su are met with hooting crowds, and that is the power of drag—of almost immediate acceptance and even applause. With Rani KoHEnur (Sushant Divgikar) as their drag mom and Keshav Suri as their drag godmother, Gawde has found a dynamic role as Shakti. And they are keen on Shakti taking their message of gender fluidity forward.