In these days of swiping left and right on dating apps, a perspective on love and intimacy seems to be lacking. This perhaps explains the huge turnout at the panel discussion, Shuddh Digital Romance, held as part of Gender Bender 2019 at the Bangalore International Centre recently. Filmmaker and writer Paromita Vohra, brand strategy and communications manager at Tinder, Rashi Wadhera and Tejas AP, head of Research Communications at Azim Premji University discussed various aspects of dating apps, ranging from design to user experience.
“What is the first question you have been asked on a dating app?” Paromita asked the audience. After answers like, ‘What do you do?’ and ‘How are you?’, Paromita said, “The question often asked is, ‘What are you looking for?’ It suggests a binary — are you looking for something casual or serious? The huge grey area of ‘I am not sure’ or ‘let’s see where this goes’ is usually not considered. This is because there aren’t many takers for the uncertain.”
Tejas raised questions on how dating apps are designed. “This aspect plays a huge role in either encouraging a conversation or discouraging it. You quantify your sexuality and desires in a very particular manner. For example, the backlash against Grindr has been that it’s an app for awful hook-ups and a lot of body shots. Grindr has also led to a lot of body shaming, and that has had an impact on how people view themselves and others.”
To this analysis, Paromita observed, “When we talk about dating apps, we have to talk about Capitalism. Since a lot of apps are free, they have to be incentivised in some form.There is an encouragement to keep swiping. It is an essentially numerical way of existing. When we use the word Shuddh (pure), what we need to think about is the digital self. On one hand, it can be liberating because you can be whoever you want to be, and on the other hand, the way you are projected is restricted by the design of the app.”
Rashi made a case for Tinder. “The standard experience on Tinder doesn’t change no matter how much money you pay. It is a free model and not ad based. We don’t track user conversations because we are subscription based. People also use Tinder for jobs and friendships. I also believe the way we interact with the app changes over time. So it is best not to give it a tag because every label we give is biased and based on our experience.”
Paromita said dating apps limit interactions. “So much of our personality is defined by professions and social standing. Apps are quite like the vendors who sell t-shirts in heaps where they keep jumbling it so that the good stuff comes to the surface. Likewise, apps have created a churn of desire. I would say there is an overwhelming ‘straightness’ to apps because they push you towards ‘coupling up’ rather than figuring out what you may like.And that is why apps may ‘flatten out interactive experiences’, which is making people feel lonely.”
Rashi said there was more ‘smartphone adoption’ by men than women “About 84 % men are more romantic as against 79 % women.” Paromita argued that ‘romantic’ can’t be easily defined.
At the end of the discussion, there was a consensus among the audience that whether good or bad, apps have made society more image-conscious.