“Bhaiya, ek vada pav dena, please. Plain.” One bite and the man screamed, “Arrey, you have put chutney. I had said plain.”

The vendor matched the decibel level: “What were you looking at? I have to handle 10 customers at the same time.” An ‘IED’ had just been detonated.

Em-cees and bee-cees flew off like shrapnel, and a crowd gathered in no time, ready to take sides.

“Train aaya, train aaya,” intervened a crafty commuter. No sight of the train, but the announcement was enough to disperse the crowd. Standoff de-escalated.

Scene of drama: Platform No. 4, Thane station.

Flashback to May. 

A heated exchange breaks out under a fan on a sultry, mega-blocked Sunday afternoon. “Stop pushing. If you are so desperate for the draft, bring a fan from home.” Mercury rises further on Platform No. 3, Ghatkopar station.

“Train on platform number three will arrive on platform number 4,” blared the ‘Baas’ speakers. A fission reaction had been set off.

Fan and hawa forgotten. Em-cees and bee-cees released, all directed at the Central Railway.

Heard enough of road rage and train bullies? Welcome to platform rage. It’s in hundreds and thousands, considering that Mumbai’s local trains move about 78 lakh people a day. Fortunately, most of them fizzle out without consequences.

But amid countless momentary flare-ups, platforms sometimes devolve into chilling crime scenes. For instance, the death of a 56-year-old man at Mulund station last April. His elbow apparently had touched a woman on the stairs of a foot overbridge. The enraged lady kept roughing up the man despite his apology and repeated clarifications that it wasn’t intentional. Out of the blue, a collegian joined her, and the two pushed him onto the tracks in front of an oncoming train. 

Not just one, many had shouted: “train aaya, train aaya”. But this time, nothing could de-escalate the standoff.  

Why do so many commuters have a wafer-thin patience threshold? Primarily because Mumbai is a long city which makes commuting a time-consuming affair. Then there are connected issues. A minute- or two-delay could cost one a bus, an auto, or a shared taxi. The cascading effect – late mark, loss of pay, missing out on a professional or a romantic date and god knows what.

But there is hope. And hope is even more beautiful in an election year. The Metro barricades crisscrossing the city are telling Mumbaikars that the local platforms will soon have reduced load – and of course less lafda. How soon? Don’t lose hope.

For the time being, you can thank the BEST. The bleeding red bus undertaking has taken the bold move to slash ticket prices to shore up its user base. And it is paying off. In just three days, BEST’s average daily passenger count jumped to 32 lakh from 25 lakh. But it may not be large enough to soothe the frayed nerves on the platforms.

Until the BEST regains its full throttle and the Metro dream realised, don’t take your eyes off the vendor if you like your vada pav without chutney.