'Moving away from any addiction is utterly terrifying': Former Victoria Secret model, 27, shares her struggles with a 'relentless' eating disorder
- Bridget Malcolm said she can never forget that she is 'in recovery, not cured'
- The 27-year-old model has struggled with an eating disorder for 23 years
- The former Victoria Secret model and blogger said 'addiction is utterly terrifying
A former Victoria Secret model who struggled with her weight for more than 20 years has spoken candidly about her battle with a 'relentless' eating disorder.
Bridget Malcolm, from Western Australia, said she has come a 'long way' but she's still struggling with her body dysmorphia - a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance.
Now two years into recovery, the 27-year-old confessed she often contemplates old habits and struggles with her demons after the crippling condition plagued much of her adolescence and early adulthood.
Former Victoria Secret model Bridget Malcolm (pictured) who struggled with her weight for more than 20 years has spoken candidly about her battle with a 'relentless' eating disorder
Now two years into recovery, the 27-year-old confessed she often contemplates old habits and struggles with her demons after the crippling condition plagued much of her life
'For two years now, I have been fortunate enough to be in recovery from my eating disorder. But I must never forget that I am in recovery. I am not cured,' she penned in an open letter on her blog.
'Moving away from any addiction is utterly terrifying... There is this intense craving to go back to your dangerous safe place, a craving that you cannot give in to, or you risk dying.'
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Bridget said her body dysmorphia has become 'particularly bad right now.'
'There is no reason why - I have not gained weight, and I have not lost weight. For some reason though, the feeling of my skin is making me extremely uncomfortable,' she said.
The 27-year-old said she can never let herself forget that she is 'in recovery, not cured' of the eating disorder which plagued much of her adolescence and early adulthood
'I would love nothing more than to reduce the size of the human I see in the mirror. And I know that if I do, I endanger my life and everything in it.'
She said she used to resort to starving herself as a means to 'separate myself from me'.
'My desire to starve comes from a place of feeling unheard and worthless. I felt less, spoke less and needed less when I was starving.
'Starving myself ends in a lot of pain for myself and those around me. I know it, because I have lived it.'
The Aussie model twice walked in the Victoria Secret Fashion Show - first in 2015 and in 2016
Despite sharing her dark thoughts, Bridget said she's determined to turn her life around for good by committing to a healthier lifestyle.
'I will continue to commit to my three meals a day. I will exercise in a way that gives me strength and faith in my body - not in a way that diminishes my size, energy and capabilities,' she said.
'I will avoid mirrors as much as possible. And I will throw myself into my life and relationships with all the energy that eating properly allows me.'
She is now in remission, and has vowed to continue challenging herself to stay healthy in spite of all the challenges.
The Aussie model twice walked in the Victoria Secret Fashion Show - first in 2015 and again in 2016.
