The memory remains: How to move on after a break up

Breakups are a part and parcel of a relationship. Even though it is tough and bitter for both the people involved, things need to move on even after the end of a relationship. For the partner at the receiving end, this is the beginning of a difficult phase when he/she tries to let go of memories of the ex. And, many, who’ve been in the situation will vouch for this fact. Here’s what experts feel you can do to erase memories of your former partner.

Emotional control

Even though the relationship ends, it is always difficult to let go of the emotional connect with the person. Dr PD Lakdawala, psychiatrist, Bhatia Hospital says, “When memories of your ex comes to mind, don’t panic or take it as some kind of sign. Remind yourself why you broke up with him/her and put your attention back on someone you care, which at this point should be you.”

Social media embargo

Block your former partner from reaching up to you or vice versa on all social media platforms. Dr Aman Bhonsle, psychosocial analyst says, “By blocking, you psychologically convince yourself that you are at a point of no return. This is a foolproof strategy to make sure you don’t backslide into older habits with your ex or try to create excuses to reinsert in each other’s lives.”

New activity

Do new things to divert your mind. Go for a holiday, indulge in learning something new but try and keep yourself busy. Bhonsle says, “When our brain is forced to master something and become familiar with a new skill or craft, it won’t be able to give enough attention to the emotions resulting from the breakup.”

Focus on the present

After breakups, it is difficult to control the memories that flow in. We tend to remember the good old days instead of the reasons which lead to the breakup. Neeta V Shetty, psychotherapist, says, “This makes it difficult to get over each other. Focus on the reality and the facts that lead to the breakup rather than reminiscing the past.”

Stop talking about ex

Avoid discussing about your ex as it will achieve nothing. Bhonsle says, “People, who go through breakups enjoy attention. They like to talk about their ex — good times and the bad times. The more you talk, the more you are impeding the speed at which you move on.”

Start a cause

By helping others, you help yourself heal. Shetty says, “The emptiness that breakups can lead to can be filled by doing something meaningful. When we get into any kind of social work, we realise our own self-worth as well as understand the true purpose of life. We apply this factor, which is called Logotherapy, to counsel people post breakups.”

Surround yourself

Do not isolate yourself. Socialise with friends, family or close ones. Lakdawala says, “Even if you are not ready to meet people, see your closest friends and spend time with them. They’ll help you heal, and remind you that you still have people who love you.”

Stop clinging to the past

Ascertain whether you are 100% sure about giving up your past. Lakdawala says, “Many people are so infatuated with their ex that they love them long after they have been dumped. Let go and decide to move on. There is a life beyond this, which is waiting for you.”

Follow more stories on Facebook and Twitter

First Published: May 25, 2019 13:58 IST