Is public shaming the best way to call out a wrong?

How many of you have been slut shamed—looks and whispers passed directly and indirectly, all meant for the outfit that you believed made you look and feel your best? It’s an assault on your sense of self, and an adverse reaction is the least that’s expected. Except that today—with social media as one of humanity’s most irresponsible weapons—adverse reaction itself can take on the nature of an insidious attack.

This month opened with the case of the woman slut shaming a group of girls at a Gurgaon restaurant, ending her diatribe by asking the men in the restaurant to ‘rape the girls as a punishment for wearing provocative clothes’. She refused to apologise even as she was filmed, although later, allegedly, she did put up an apology on Facebook. If that wasn’t a ghastly enough situation, the video of her antics went viral online, and led to a number of people suggesting the lady be ‘raped’ herself for her comments. Because of course, that’s the best way to deal with ignorance.

The question here isn’t necessarily about public shaming (of both parties) and its justification. Mob justice, virtual or otherwise, is rarely, if ever, reformative. It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you’re a woman, you would have been slut shamed at some point in your life, no matter where you live. Literacy, education and sensitisation aside, it would be more empowering to know how to deal with such a situation—maturely and with a certain degree of efficacy. Maybe you will walk away knowing you did your best to widen someone’s narrow view of the world.

“All acts of public shaming [including the sort the girls went through] are traumatic,” says clinical psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany. “However, vengeful actions [filming the woman and putting it up online for further judgement] are not the solution. It becomes more traumatic because the person who has acted out in the first place doesn’t understand what they have done. Both sides need to be sensitive, empathetic and respectful.” That would be an ideal case scenario. And more often than not, that is not the case. That’s when you need to be the more ‘woke’ person, especially when you’re the target. “This woman was a bully, and it’s important to remember that most bullies come from a place of trauma themselves, where they have been bullied,” says Dr Hingoranny. “We don’t know what this lady’s mental state is or was, what trauma she has gone through, what psychological issues she might have, what damages she might have sustained.”

Everyone is a public figure today thanks to social media, and therefore a target. And the problem with the whole situation is that the nature of social media creates a space without any boundaries or filters. It’s great that social media is used to call out inequality, educate people, or highlight an unfair, unequal society. The flip side is online bullying and shaming. It’s easy to do the latter, and calling out someone who seems ‘less’ than you makes you feel like the more enlightened one.

“The method by which we shame those we deem to have transgressed—online, through Twitter, Facebook, and email—unleashes a new level of hostility, because we don’t have to face the target of our abuse,” says Farah Mohammed in her article on JSTOR Daily, titled The Danger of Public Shaming in the Internet Age. There is no end to this cycle of shame—it becomes a circle of blaming and shaming, ultimately blurring the lines between bullying and calling out a wrong. If anything, it reminds us to be careful of how we behave in public, what we say and do. Big Brother watching isn’t the problem. His many siblings, armchair activists on social media, are more insidious and dangerous—ready to misread, misrepresent and malign.

What happened in Gurgaon was inexcusable, but so were the actions that followed. It fosters a textbook situation—a cycle of the bullied turning into bullies. So what’s the solution? “What if the girls called or visited the lady later and spoke to her?” says Dr Hingorrany. “The girls were traumatised. I’m not saying they accept whatever has happened quietly. Film her. But don’t post it. Make it a debate—among friends and family. Take in everyone’s viewpoint. It helps to understand where this lady’s anger is coming from? What might her personality disorders be? Don’t get defensive. And don’t take it personally. Handle the situation calmly. To reform society, you must first be empathetic, and avoid shame at all cost. Trauma creates more trauma, keeping alive insecurities, anxiety, and depression. Break the circle of trauma and work towards a private discussion and reconciliation.”

Also read:

Sophie Turner gets real about living with depression

After Deepika Padukone, Alia Bhatt’s sister opens up about her battles with depression

The most impactful moments in the history of women’s empowerment