Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
I have been in a relationship with a girl since we were in college. We have been together for four years now, and decided to take a break for a month because she said she wanted to think about whether it made sense for us to take this to the next level. It has been three months since that break began and she still wants time. She isn't dating anyone, but I don't know what she wants. I would like us to get back together because I think we can sort out any differences. We make a good couple and have always managed to get over any problems, so this long break has been confusing for me. I am thinking of just breaking up, hoping that it will force her to think about how important this is. I don't know if that will push her away permanently though, so I am confused. What should I do?
To break up in the hope that she will look at you differently will undermine everything your girlfriend is trying to do. If she needs a break, it isn't because she doesn't want to be with you, but because she deserves to take the time to think about your future together. She isn't dating anyone, which should tell you everything you need to know. It takes time for two people in a relationship to arrive at the same place at the same time. You may feel as if you're ready to take this to the next level, but if she doesn't feel that way yet, why not be patient and respect her wishes? If you were the one in need of some time off, would she give you the space you need? A break that goes on longer than expected is difficult to handle, of course, but this is about something that is important to both your lives. If you want her to be with you, the best thing you can do is support her and give her all the time and space she needs.
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