Now it would appear that this piece is about moral fairness and just conduct, the kind that is glorified and eulogised in speeches and fables but remains rarer than a unicorn. And rightly so, for if power corrupts, then... no, that’s it, power corrupts. Peace is an illusion, it’s the momentary time lag between two sets of conflict.
But I’ve already digressed for I never meant to discuss nor address fairness in that sense. In all fairness, given how I’m the best version of everything you can be, ever, the concept would completely dodge me. What I was intending to address today is the idea of fairness as portrayed by the purveyors of cosmetics.
I say purveyors, but the right term would be industry. I love that term, the Beauty Industry. It automatically implies that (a) beauty isn’t subjective and (b) instant appeal is something that can be manufactured, replicated and commercialised with six-sigma efficiency. How petty of us lesser mortals to think we are all unique and such-like; surely the MBA grads sitting in the boardrooms of the conglomerates that churn this billion-dollar industry know better. If they say I can transform into a pretty boy — and by pretty, I mean objectively pretty, not eye-of-the-beholder pretty — and if being pretty is directly linked to being fair, then please summon me, oh wise ones, I am your ugly dark duckling of a guinea pig. My soul is also dark but who cares about that, it’s my outer shell that needs a good scrubbing, or bleaching, whatever, because once I look white only then will I find social validity and my statements will carry weight. I will be invincible. Why, I may never even need to bathe again!
Well, at least, that’s what the adverts seem to promise. Then they have a bevvy of local A-grade stars endorsing these claims. In fact, some of them have already been crowned Miss World and still felt the need to literally, lighten up. And see what wonders it has done to their careers. Also, once you are fair you can always darken up (even play victim), but there’s simply no sympathising with a person of hue.
So the next time someone tells you to “be the best version of you” or something as stupidly fallible as that, don’t fall for such malarkey. Chances are s/he didn’t get the lucrative contract from that make-up company. The biggest business in the world is the flaw business, we all have them so if one can find a way to exploit it in others, that’s the ka-ching train to money central.
But it’s even better if you can make someone believe in a flaw that doesn’t exist for there is nothing stronger than an imaginary phobia which feeds on fears, backed up by corporate funding. This is what makes fairness creams a runaway success almost at par with that other con job, religion. Yes, religion, for what is it if not make-up for the weakened soul.
But enough moralising. I just want in on this moolah-wagon and I’ll do it with unapologetic alacrity, not hide behind marketable platitudes. For those naive ones who believe beauty is only skin deep, well lads, this pelt is multi-multi-billion dollars thick so why delve deeper. I’d love to keep things topical and look like a white walker even while living in countries tropical.
Now see, that rhyme would have made you chuckle a lot sooner if I were moonlight fair.
This column is for anyone who gives an existential toss.