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I am 37 and my husband is 41. We have been together for 20 years, including five years before marriage. We were a joyful family until a girl who had separated from her husband entered my husband's life around two years ago. Initially, he told me she was his best friend and that he was just helping her out of her bad marriage. I recently found out that he had an affair with her. Apparently, he asked her out but she rejected his advances for a while. We fought a lot over the past two years because of this. He now tells me that everything is over between them. He says things ended a month ago and has asked me to start afresh and apologised for his actions. I cannot forget his betrayal though. It haunts me and I don't know if I can ever trust him anymore. Please help me out.
— Vinaya P
A betrayal of trust is obviously difficult to manage, especially in a relationship as long as yours. I understand your inability to trust him again, given what he has done. All you can do, for now, is ask him for time. Use this to evaluate what you stand to lose by rejecting his apology. Can you accept him on the basis of his past actions and ignore the affair? Do you want to give this marriage another chance because the two of you have a long history together? Have you spoken to family and friends about this and asked for their advice? If you find it difficult to speak to your husband about this, have you considered contacting a professional counsellor? It may help if your husband agrees to meet one too, because there are clearly some unresolved issues here. An affair is usually a sign of something going wrong in a relationship, so you may both need to address a few things first. This will take some time to fix. It is a wound that will not heal overnight.

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