In the name of love

HYDERABAD: Amidst a whirlwind investigation and a manhunt, a 17-year-old girl, battles for her life from the injuries inflicted on her by a young man who considers himself a jilted lover. After following her from her home in Barkatpura just as she left for college, the accused attacked her with a coconut sickle until she was found. As unfortunate as it may sound, this is not a one-off incident. What could be considered a primitive and rabid way to deal with rejections turns out to be more a problem than expected. With cases growing in number rapidly all over the country, there are numerous factors that contribute to such behaviour. Whether they are psychological, biological or behavioural, it all leads to one stop - violence. We tried to explore the reasons which lead to a horrific situation like this and we find that we are responsible as a society.
 
Lack of life skills
It is never easy to believe that it all starts from our own household. Incidents like these can happen to anybody and reasons are many. Dr Himabindhu Singh, a pediatrician at Niloufer Hospital and a gender sensitivity activist who runs a counseling cell for teenagers, opines, “Multifactorial issues can be the reason for incidents like this. It starts from how we as a society look at gender, how we treat women as a possession or the man as a final authority. Young men particularly have heightened emotions due to the hormonal surge and it is scientifically proven. But most of them do not have the life skills to cope with emotions running wild. Added to that, media exposure, peer pressure and currently a more permissive society isn’t leaving any scope for the better.”
 
It starts at home
Dr Himabindu believes that change starts at home. What children or even youngsters see they learn. “The idea of being entitled to somebody, to not be able to take no for an answer also stems from parenting. How people view gender and rigid gender roles, where the men of the house aren’t denied anything in an average household contributes to this kind of behaviour. We have to first and foremost treat everyone like human beings. They have to be taught that none of us have the right to do anything to anybody without their consent as human beings. Then comes the discussion about whether it is a man or a woman. That etiquette has to be nurtured from home itself,” she says.

Lack of morality
Dr. Poorna Chandrika, Director In-charge, Institute of Mental Health, Chennai agrees that it all starts at home. She says, “Exposure to a violent and anti-social environment as a child or young adult may lead youths on a path that hardens into an attitude and way of reasoning that is morally lax. Feelings of
anger, frustration and hostility that are the result of peer rejection may be further intensified by destructive or problematic parents. It is crucial for parents to guide their children and instill a sense of accountability from the age of five to adolescence. Then. by the age of 16-17, their personality is almost formed.”

What we consume
Despite what is taught at home and in their academic life, youth is particularly influenced by the media they consume as much as peer pressure. Peers too turn into an echo chamber of sorts when the same ideologies are propogated through the content they consume masquerading as “cool”. Tharun Bhascker, a National Award winning director who is known for progressive films like Pelli Choopulu states, “Not just cinema but TV, news and the internet are commercialising on the horror stories and that increases the intake of such content. The question is are you able to show what you create to your family and sleep guilt-free. You can hide your family from it but it is necessary to understand that it will affect a society in general.”

As the debate that ‘movies must be watched just for entertainment’ goes on, Tharun feels there needs to be a sense of responsibility. He says, “Movies are extremely social. Freedom of expression must be protected but one has to be responsible as a citizen. There’s no way to frame a rule for it, one has to own up. We have to frame guidelines within which we work through a personal conscience. Masses coming to the theatre and loaning two senses to you then you are playing God for a brief time. If you are putting yourself in that position you better be responsible.” The accused in now being held and interrogated while the authorities wait for the girl to recover to record her statement.

What we can do
Teach the sons and daughters the importance of consent
Irrespective of gender inculcate life skills that helps them take rejection better
Those in positions of influence be responsible in what you speak for.
Communicate calmly about youngsters issues rather than stigmatising them

Inputs by KV Navya
— Srividya Palaparthi
srividya.palaparthi@newindianexpress.com
@PSrividya53