Beach towel spacing: the rules
Q: On the beach, what is the minimum appropriate distance for someone to place their towel next to mine? G.G., NORTH NARRABEEN, NSW
A: When you lay a towel down on a beach, it becomes your temporary home. You've got your bedroom where you lie around, you've got a kitchenette where you prepare your Pringles, and you've got a front driveway where you park your 4WD Esky Hybrid Cooler.
And just like any suburban home, you're surrounded by neighbours: people live beside you, people live behind you, and an older couple always builds in front of you, blocking your ocean view with their ostentatious, two-storey McMansion beach chairs.
And like any neighbourhood, everyone must respect each other's property boundaries. You don't put your bag on someone else's premises, and they don't stick their feet into your face space. However, if it's a nice day, there's no reason why two neighbours can't lean on their shared towel fence-line and chat about the weather, or bitch about the family three towels down, who park their inflatable pineapple Lilo across everyone's driveways.
And just like in any residential zone, all beach-goers must abide by strict housing regulations. A towel must be separated from an adjoining towel by a minimum distance of 3.6 thongs (the "thong" being the international unit of measurement for urban towel planning). If anyone tries to lay down a towel closer than that, you should have a stern word with them about zoning. If they ignore you, try fortifying your property boundaries with upright boogie boards and stacked boxes of Barbecue Shapes. If that still doesn't deter them, you may need to pack up and move to a less desirable spot in the outer suburbs – it's not so bad: you get heaps more space and you can stretch out your legs an extra 4.1 thongs.
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