‘My cousin’s marriage is in trouble; how can I help?’

My cousin got married last year. It was an inter-community marriage and she shifted to a new city in a new state post that, much against her parents’ wish. While the first few months went fine, soon she started complaining about her mom-in-law and husband, saying they pressurise her to contribute to monthly expenses of the house which she does, although not as much as they want her to. The in-laws stay in a different city but keep dropping in at her place and criticise her for not cooking, not taking care of their son, not mixing with the family and so on. The things have reached a stage where she wants to dissolve the marriage and come back to her parents. She also found him taking his friendship with a girl rather seriously. He knew her from before their marriage and they seem to have reunited. My cousin is feeling cheated. Sadly, nobody in the family seems to be talking about the problem openly. I feel there needs to be an open discussion but I am a teenager and nobody would take me seriously if I suggest it. What can I do?

Contrary to the popular belief that teens these days are insufferable, I think the new generation is rather smart. Since you’re the only one in the family who thinks like an adult should, you’ve got to take charge here, but also do it from behind the scenes because who wants to listen to a teenager!

Marriage is tough enough as a contract between the two partners, but when the families want to get involved and impose their whims and fancies, the whole deal starts rolling downhill with greater momentum. But don’t you worry darling, I like to think of myself as quite the fixer when it comes to stuff like this.
 
Step one: Talk to your cousin. Make up a story about a “friend” that involves similar problems and ask your sister what she thinks your imaginary friend should do. Boost her confidence to take control of her life, to put her foot down with her in-laws and say no to them. If she follows through, it can end up in two possible ways — they will back off and stop harassing her or they will come in full swing and things will get worse — either way, you’ve got to make your next move.

Step two: Confront your brother-in-law. Now don’t go in all guns blazing. Be subtle, and pretend to be the innocent unknowing teen everyone thinks you are when you remind him of what a lucky guy he is to be with your sister. And when he least expects it, put on your sternest face and look him right in the eye and tell him that he’s not a child that has no say in how to run his house, and that he should support your sister and work things out with her in private and not abandon her as she tackles his interfering parents. Then in a blink, go back to your sweet little harmless persona. It will shock and confuse him in just the right way which will make him either run to his wife or run away from her.
 
Step three: Follow up with your sister on how things are going. If you can, take a vacation and go stay with her for a few days when her in-laws are also visiting. Work some of your snarky teenage magic — side glances, eye rolls, sarcastic comments and nonchalant brutally honest remarks, you know what I’m talking about — on the oldies and they’ll be out of her hair in no time.
 
After all this drama, if things don’t work out, consider it a blessing. You sister seems like a smart woman who has made a life for herself in a new city. She’ll be just fine without a spineless bloke and his greedy family.