Remember Einstein’s analogy about judging a fish by whether it can ride a bike and how it would be incorrect. I think a lot of folks today end up stuck in the wrong job simply because they don’t know where they really belong. This inherently limits their potential, or the extent to which it can be exhibited. By corollary, other people find their calling just when they figure out that what isn’t good for anyone else is perfect for them.
Brillat-Savarin said, “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you who you are”. I here modify it to, “Tell me what you do and I will tell you who you aren’t!”
1. Take footballers for one. They are, in fact, stage actors par excellence — all that rolling about on the turf every time someone gently nudges them. But since the money is better chasing around an inflated leather sphere, they never get around to being in front of the camera. The even lesser fortunate ones join the WWE.
2. Chefs are the original scientists. All they really wanted to do was tinker about with powders in boxes and liquids in vials in a laboratory — their own giant sand-box really — but there’s only that much to be proud of, of dissecting and observing lab rats, never mind when they pay one in awards and degrees instead of hard cash. So the canny lot migrated their interest and graduated to experimenting on a more glorified guinea pig, humans. Sadly, even after this transfer, some chefs continue to dole out food that makes me want to dissect my own stomach.
3. Anybody ever wanted to be an environmentalist or a tree-hugger? Well, you were clearly not the star jock at school. Couldn’t aim, couldn’t run, basically no skill to survive in the wild. Subsequently, your ancestral kind chose to live by gathering. They ate what the land left them. Lazy lot, I tell ya’, but considering all y’all are still around there must be some merit to this perverse form of living.
4. How about a preacher, or a zealot by any other name? Your first choice should have been school monitor, or anything that would have given you power over the school bully, who made life and lunch hours hell for you back then. Religion imbues man with a similar sense of power, an invisible weapon which only needs to be mentioned, not wielded. As long as the bully is gullible enough to believe your story of the afterlife, you are home safe. Don’t frown at me, that’s just Nietzsche.
5. And the ones who aspire for a career in evil, to be a top-notch feared-but-respected ruffian, well their best option is what is known as the last resort of the scoundrels, politics. But those who just don’t have the chops for it (or have scruples that aren’t for it), best join up with a circus: as contortionists (lack of a spine helps), or magicians (ability to make money vanish and then disappear themselves) or even ring leaders (for not even a hungry lion will eat a dirty politician).
6. People who aspire to work at call centres had probably resigned themselves to their miserable fates. They had most likely given up on life entirely — insomniacs, insecure, playing Pokémon, wearing Crocs in public and what not. So the opportunity to annoy unsuspecting fellow humans who were considerably better off than them over the phone was just the Schadenfreude their empty lives needed. Being shouted at on a call isn’t a deterrent, it provides a sense of purpose. And to boot, they get paid for it.
So, dear friend, if you aren’t making a lot of money, or are unhappy at your daily routine of a job, try and find the right pivot. Don’t be ashamed to embrace your natural calling. Remember, not everyone gets to ride in gilded carriages; someone has to clean up after the horses too.
This column is for anyone who gives an existential toss.