As I was leaving office one evening, a colleague stormed into my room saying, ‘I need to inform you about something urgent. One of our key customers, Mr. G, is getting out of control and I am letting you know I am going to sort him out! He had no business to be so rude to Garima and make her cry. I’ll tell him I know exactly who he is and where he can put that!’ All this came out in a garbled rush and had my male colleague getting more agitated during the recital that ended with a belligerent, ‘I’ll show him who he is!’
As I tried to calm him down and unravel the tale, with one eye on the clock, I marvelled again at the male ego. And was remined of my recurring interest in the manifestations and differences, between the male and female ego. To me, the solution to the situation outlined by my irate colleague was obvious. The customer, however obnoxious, had to be dealt with diplomatically and swiftly. This was not a place to indulge in a clash of male egos. My colleague needed to reassign the customer to a slightly senior and, preferably male, colleague, resolve the issues in contention and do so without indulging in sabre-rattling.
My colleague, however, was not convinced as the male ego kicked in, fuelled, no doubt, in some measure by the ‘damsel in distress’ in the background.
I have noticed many manifestations of this ego. Recently, another male colleague, when on the receiving end of feedback from his (female) manager, said, ‘This is your opinion of me and it is entirely subjective. My opinion of myself is different. I neither bother about it nor blame anyone for what they think about me!’
This was both amusing and shocking. Not only was the self-development or training outcome shot through the roof, but the male ego was writ large. Now, one may argue that this is a set of individuals reacting to work situations who just happen to be male and that female workers could also react in a similar fashion. However, these are common workplace scenarios and the male reactions are common enough to be identifiable as such.
Let’s look at another situation that involves multiple male egos and the reactions here are pretty universal too. In a recent industry association meeting, a male dominated, testosterone-heavy arena at the best of times, candidates and approaches were being discussed for the election of office-bearers by one group. Some responses to candidates were baffling, at least to a female mind and ego: ‘He won’t agree to take a lower position than President or VP’ or ‘He will stand only if unopposed’; ‘I can’t phone him to ask, he is pretty junior’.
These comments were made casually, and the reasoning accepted by the largely male group as legitimate and normal. As the sole female in the room, my eyebrows climbed, and my eyes were rolling involuntarily but thankfully no eyes were on me. This is not to say females don’t have egos or that a certain ‘consciousness of stature’ or arrogance, as it is often referred to, is not universal. Legitimate and often true, but the underlying sense of self-importance is unmistakable.
What of the female ego then? It most certainly exists but has different triggers and manifestations. It also seems to rear its head more frequently amongst its own sex. A largely female manifestation I have noticed, often aimed at other women, is, ‘Why am I the one who always calls!’ The male version is more likely to be, ’I have called him several times. Now he needs to return the calls. I am not calling again.’
I have found these differences to be useful, especially when operating in an all-male or male dominated business environment. As male egos clash and flash, drowning out the real issues, these can be taken up and resolved on the sidelines in practical ways. Sometimes, a consideration they are not ready to offer to each other is readily extended to a female.
Ego wars can balance out in a gendered setting and some real work gets done! One more compelling reason for diversity at the workplace.
nitasha.devasar@gmail.com